Friday, May 16, 2008

An Open Letter to the Past

Hey You.
It seems like it was only yesterday That I craved you. Its on rainy days like this that I remember you the most. I have no Idea why rainy days... Wait thats a lie. Do you remember that first day our friendship took that first ... wrong turn.. We were on the phone talkin about nothing and it was hot as hell that day... It started to rain and I said I was heading outside,, you just knew a girly girl like me was not heading outside to enjoy the rain, not going to mess up my hair or clothes... I proved you wrong.. The last time I saw you it was raining.. When I cried for the friendship we lost I felt like its raining.. even when it was not...

I had never in my life felt like that.. That feeling where you can't eat or sleep or do anything else but think of that one person. That was you. I was addicted to you. I wanted so much for us to be..Be what I don't know... I was hurt by you at almost every interaction we had.. At times I was ignored. At others left sexually frustrated. Most times I was just hurt at laying myself out there for you to...... Love me and getting nothing in return.. Sad Huh?

I use to ask myself why you didnt love me?...Why you didnt crave me?.. How you could just live your life fine and happy without me?.. why the first one I loved didnt give a fuck bout me?... Should I be harder? Softer? Girly? Manly? Should I lose weight? Gain Weight? Be Freakier? Is that even Possible??? Whats wrong with me that my one and only didnt want me???? Can you believe that SHIT?????? then i realized....the very thing my girl Shi would always say... People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime... So I Started to ask myself the question which one you were..

Your reason was to simply let me know that I had to give a fuck about myself first and foremost... Although I missed everything about you on rainy days..I know that I give a fuck about me... And you were not what I'd hope you'd be.

But I would not take back a moment of our time together... If it wasn't for you I wouldn't know what I wanted, needed, deserved, or required... I don't do bullshit because of you.. I know I am sexy at 225 or 125.. That I am THE SHIT!!!! ALL DAY EVERYDAY... If it was not for you I would not love my Boo so much. I had to be treated like a Pauper to realize that NOW I am treated like a Queen.. Anything I want or need is handed to me on a silver platter by this woman... She knows when I am sick, depressed, or confused by hearing my voice or seeing my face.... She knows how to do that thing, whatever it is,,,,That makes me SCREAM in PURE EXTASY!! But I owe my happiness to you... On rainy days I am so so so so so happy... Tears of joy fill my eyes... I thank God for my Boo... And for you

Hope you are well.... I know I am!

Kisses

1 comment:

Ms. C said...

that is very deep!

More than

I am not just good pussy I am soul food and eye candy  I am the soft sweet voice in your ear telling you to keep going  I am the heart...