Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Muah

All kisses mean different things
There is a kiss for everything
Don't go
Hurry back
I love you
I've missed you
I want you
I need you
Keep going
Faster 
Harder
Softer
And some kisses mean 
Good Bye
Like that one did




Haikus

If you want it fast
It probably won't be good
So choose wisely friends



 
You are not a friend
You dear are an enemy
Dressed in friends clothing


I used to Love you
Feel Deeply Nightly for you
What was I thinking?


Somtimes I tell you 
What I choose to get a true
Reaction from you



Monday, October 21, 2013

To dump or not to dump from 2008

I always end it
Always
Never the dumped
Always the dumper
I mean really 
Why drag it out
If I don't get what I want
I'm out
Why stay
Why prolong 
Why be even the slightest bit unhappy
Life is short
Moments are to be savored 
Memories are beautiful 
Pain is not

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Things I love

Listening to the word of God

Being unable to sleep but listening to my king lightly snore

Being surprised by gifts no matter how big or small

King Surprising me with an entire date weekend. 

My hair

Cooking

Praying 

Being able to be home with no real worries

My Sister Friends

My Babies although they are adults

New wigs 

YouTube 

Being Female

Blushing

Orgasming very hard 

Pretty Girls with awesome smiles

Knowing I'm a work in progress

Growing


What are yours?

K❤️

 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Unfinished business

Our time together
Will  always be
Messy
No matter how hard we try to clean it up
There will always be
Something
That we didn't do
Or say
Or try
A moment we wish
Pray 
Or
Hope 
That we could take away
Or do differently 
Or make it last longer
It's these moments
That make us find each other again
To have that last conversation
To see each other one  last time just for a sec
To scour emails or
Ask friends for contact info
It's the reason that we both say 
No more ever
Then fall into a new habit of dysfunction 
Trying to finish it right
Once and for all
The moment we realize that CLOSURE 
Is not for relationships
Or lust 
Or love 
The happier we will be
The ones we love the most will always be 
Unfinished Business 
That's best left unfinished

K <3
 

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

In my mother's bathroom

I wish I could explain to somebody
What I'm feeling
What I felt
And what I would probably always feel for you
But most importantly
I wish I could properly expound on it to myself
It is literally beyond my comprehension
As I write this I'm sick
Literally sick
I'm trying to settle my mind and stomach 
Praying not think of you
Begging my food to stay down
But as usual 
I can not
I've erased all
Of our correspondences today
But not before reading them all 
One last time
Just to be sure 
I wasn't completely psychotic or confused 
And I not 
There were pages upon pages
Upon pages
Of mutually sent texts
And emails 
Expressing flirtation 
lust
Friendship
And love 
Dated 2010 to just a few days ago
I'm in awe of
Why I let you take me on a three year journey through hell
Trying to sort out 
what was in it for me
Other than you?
Was there a promise of money
Immorality 
Or some existential understanding? 
But none were found in those pages
I'm done
I've said it before
But I can not do this
I usually would write you a scathing email or text to convey my feelings
To which you would either ignore or discredit 
But in this quiet much needed moment of clarity found in the bathroom of my mothers house
With my head pressed against the cold sturdy and somehow comforting porcelain of her toilet where I just emptied out my breakfast
Is where I will let it out. 
I will strangely always love you 
For what you've shown me about me
And as I say you name one last time
I release you 
  



Ode to insomnia

This is our thing
I'm here
Wishing you away
You're as mysterious 
As always
Playing with me
Popping up 
Just when I think we are done
You tempt me
Then vanish
Tonight feels
Different
Somehow
I'm not sure
If I even care anymore
Your appearance 
Will be short
After you leave
Which will be soon
I will be a bit grumpy
But I'll survive
If you pop up again
I will pray
Or read 
Or play
I'm finally over you
So sleep 
No sleep
Tomorrow will be fine



Friday, October 11, 2013

Waiting

Wanting 
Needing
Yearning
For you
What should I do?
I've been 
In this same spot
With my torn heart
Just for you
It's true
I've been waiting 
Tick tock 
Tick tock
The clock 
Keeps on moving
But I can't go
I'm still here 
Waiting 
Some days you breathe me in
Like a sweet perfume
And then you go away
That's not what you're suppose to do
I'm always here
You always there
But here I stay
Waiting 
I'm beautiful
I can fufill your needs 
I am everything
If you could only see
I'm here waiting
Tick tock
Tick tock
The clock 
Keeps moving
You are doing 
Nothing to keep me here
I want to walk away
But my feet 
Won't obey 
I'm still here
Waiting 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Insomnia Incoherencies

So after battling what I assumed to be a migraine (although it could have been a symptom of my hypertension) all day which means I took copious amounts of meds and caffeine I can't sleep. Womp Womp. 
While laying in the bed listening to the sweet sounds of my King's snore (thankfully one of us is asleep) I have made mile long to do list. Decorated our home several times (we so need new furniture.) Made myself hungry by figuring out this weeks meals. Deleted my Facebook page for the third time this years (DJM).  
One great thing ,well maybe two, although both are fattening and expensive that I've decided to do was cook <<<<~~~ which is calming at times. I used to love to cook. And try my hand in DIY projects. 
Wait. Is that the sandman calling me??
Gotta go. 
❤️