HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Okay so as I sit here with my coffee coolata and chocolate frosted donut.. An Associate of mine is starting her weightloss journey.. I too would like to lose 20-30lbs.. Of course I want to stay Curvy but these thighs could choke a BEAR!!!!!!! GASP!!!!!!

However I have every excuse in the book for not doing so..

Then I realized I have alot of excuses.. for alot of things.. W O W!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats Not Good!!!!! Like My excuses have Excuses..HMMMMMMM Not what I wont do is cheat myself.. but in all areas I have been..

Gotta fix that RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

So Today Right now at 9:50 am on July 30, 2009 I officially DECLARE THAT I AM AN EXCUSE-FREE ZONE!!!!!!!!

Tattoo

TATTOO
your love
is like a
Tattoo
I knew it would hurt
from the 1st time
I saw you

when i got you that
text that said
I wanna see you
but you know its
late dot dot dot
my heart kinda stopped
I thought I was a Big girl
that night
I saw the bait
and took a bite

your love is like a tattoo
I knew it would be beautiful
on your couch hand on my knee
I felt your eyes on me
saw that your needle was ready
to put that ink on me
it hurt
I cried
you kissed it to make it better
I moaned and sighed

Your love is like a Tattoo
it hurts sometimes and its absoutely beautiful
but I wear it proudly
it is seen by others
admired
folks asks me how long Ive had
do I like
and where they can get one just like it
Your love is like a tattoo
it will last forever
even when I am in my grave
your tattoo will remain

Thoughts

I cant believe I am here
looking myself in the mirror
eyes red
face wet
nose runnin
mind racing
heart pacin
pondering if we are
all we said we would be
Yew we are
I cant believe this is happening to me
in this way
in this package
this fast

I see love and hope
I feel lust and safe
I hear all the right words
I taste you
I smell your maleness

KP sleeps
PK is coma
had to hit that bitch with a boulder
how did we get here
who cares
all that matters is
here and
now and
Our future

all our secrets lay bare
all of me is raw
tired of being who folks wanted
me to be

I am me
funny
sad
happy
lust filled
wet
silly
serious
open
talkative
me

No shields
no masks
no thinking bout the past
just me
raw
straight
untampered with
me

I have a long way to go
but I aint where I was

if I fall will you catch me?
If I bleed will you comfort me?
If I cry would you care?

I am ready are you?

This is more of a declaration than a letter. I am declaring that you and I will be US. Now I am not doing this in some crazy Glen Close in Fatal Attraction way, but what I am doing is taking the Question off of the table..

I am here.

I am Not Afraid.

I will be here (in 3 months and in 30 years.)

Loving You.

Being sexually free with you.

Supporting You.

Encouraging you.

Indulging you.

Supplying you.

Being Faithful to you.

Believing in you.

Spoiling you.

Sexing you.

Educating you.

Being the Queen to your King.

Being open to you.

Exploring with you.

Submitting to you.

Pleasing you.

Choosing to Love You and Only you everyday.

Communicating with you.

Sharing you.

Laughing with you.

Being the woman that you can live your dreams and share your nightmares with.

Being the woman that you can take to church on Sunday, the club on Friday, to dinner with your family on Tuesday, out with your crew on Wednesday, to the strip club on Thursday, to Bible study on Saturday and a business dinner on Monday; feeling proud, honored, and comfortable to have me by your side at each place.

Being the woman that will Cook your food, Wash your Clothes, Clean your house, Work a 9-5, Finish my undergrad (and Graduate) degrees and Birth your Babies all while looking Pretty, Hot, And Tempting in heels, make-up, clothes, and fabulous hair.

Respecting you.

Honoring you.

I could go on but I wont!! However there is a catch---- I need these things reciprocated.

I feel things for you that I have never felt before. I have never let anyone in this far although there is much more to see; would you like to come inside

Playa President or Heaven Sent

what have you done to me
got me going crazy
am I living a fantasy?
reaching for you in my sleep
your kisses make my knees week
begging for you to go deep
got me glowing like a christmas tree
this must be voodoo
that you are doing to me
got me singing love songs
wanting to make love all night long
I wan to give birth to lil you's
WTF not me
you must have me confused with someother
chick
I dont do dick
This baby says jump
I scream how high
I can really kiss the sky
floating on clouds
I dont want to come down
Begging you as you make me scream
Please Daddy
pick me
love me
Be mine
Like meredith on grey's anatomy
Got me saying
dont go
I love you
I'm all yours
its all yours
so I'll ask again
are you the Playa's President
or
Are you Heaven Sent?

Please Baby?

I am going say this
I know I am going to regret it
maybe regret is a bad word but here it goes
I love You
I am in love with You
I choose to love you everyday
in everyway imaginable
I like you
I lust after you
nightly daily

Now you are all of the things
and I do mean
ALL of the things that I prayed for
a secret pray that nobody knew but me and God
Baby
I know it has been a short time
but it is what it is
I have been begging you in words and actions
to be with me
to be mine to
To put your worries down
I am not her
She is not me
You are not the you
you were
Baby lets do
do all those things that we are scared to do
just do them
Do I want to
walk down the
aisle no
not this year or next
but 2011 looks good for me
are you free?
Baby just do it
Come into my arms
I have exposed parts of myself that I didnt even know were there
I wanna be with you
I am ready
Now wait
I know that this is alot for us to swallow
but people just dont feel like this everyday
life doesnt feel this good every day
but it feels really really good when we are together
in person
on the phone
im'in
I was thinking that
I was crazy for lack of a better term
but I'm not
I am not in love by myself
unless you were lying
and you couldnt be
Pychotic maybe
Cause who in their right can make their eyes dance
and kiss me like that
and Say "BabyGirl, I been waiting to tell you this for a long time
I Love You"

So Take the next step
Tell me its all mine
For all time
Please Baby?

This is Love?!?!?!?

She let's him lead
as she happily follows
She doesnt remember yesterday
all she sees is tomorrow
she wants to make him scream
as she sucks and swallows

In love is she with him
not just for right now
but until the wheels fall off
and after that maybe she'll just ride on the rims
not because her clothes fell off
and her shoes stayed on
or as he kissed all of her lips
he played all her favorite songs

But because her mind and soul
goes off everytime he talks
like bombs in Bagdad
she never knew somebody could
get her that fast
have her this bad
make her this sprung
Have her acting so dumb

She is me
you are him
but will we
be us
till ashes to ashes
and dust to dust
Or will tomorrow
as quick as he came
he will disappear
leaving her with nothing
more than him saying
Cum for Daddy
in her ear

Who knows
who cares
all I know is
I'm grateful
for each Im
Each touch
each kiss

What is this I'm feeling?

Sexy, Single, African American, Curvy Diva is in search of same. Who can love me long and hard. A woman who can understand that I am still on my path so I need time to go to school, study, and work over 40 hours a week. Someone who can adapt to a growing household I have 2 kids a prince 14 Amir and a Lil Diva 12 Ahyanah who do not live with me now but will in the near future. I also have a 17 yo brother Ali and a 49 yo mother who may or may not live with me, therefore us.

Someone who likes to look good/ feminine, dress fly, go out ad see the world (first class of course). A woman who know that looking good for me might mean buying a Bag (prolly Gucci) or a couple of pairs of shoes (from Nordstroms or Needles Markup aka Neimen Marcus) or a "few' ensembles from whoever every now and again. I dress fly to go to the supermarket and get my hair/nails/toes done at what may seem to them unusual times in the midst of a argument or when I am not feeling my best physically.

However I need this someone to know that although I may be extravagant at times that A roof over our head with lights, gas, phones, Internet, premium cable, and heat/air conditioning. food in the frig, cars (with gas in the them) in the driveway are first and foremost. A woman who understands that I am working on a few issues communication, love, trust, and faith.

I am very complex I have 3 sides who appear and disappear at will; KiKi the Diva, Kisha the emotional one and Dawn the workaholic. I am very outgoing I need/attract people my phone rings with texts and phone calls but I wont answer it if it is Our time. I can be the center of attention/life of the party I need to harness that to make some paper. lol. I need to know that someone has my back, front, and side. I like sex so I need someone who likes it also. Someone who can make me wet (I have had some issues with that in the past :-) Someone who can make me feel better I have some back issues and suffer from migraines So I need someone who can help me to the bathroom or go to the store and get chocolate if needed.

I love the Lord and Strippers and go to their respective houses to see them meaning I go to the strip club on Saturday and to 11 am service on Sunday. I am spoiled mentally, physically materialistically, and any other way you can imagine I need someone who can handle and SUPPLY that. I will supply whatever needs she has as well. I like to be romanced flowers, candy, cards, special nights, massages, and surprises. And I like to romance in whatever way she likes to be romance. I can be very emotional which may look needy or crying or clinging and I need her to handle and supply. I wanna know what equals love for my Lady. I am ready, willing, and able to love completely, honestly, openly, and for life. Are you?

So.... How you been??

Long time,
right?

Not!!!!!!!!!

I'm still..........
Here

The last time
you heard from me
I was most likely
Desperate
or
Emotional
or
Nagging
or
Clingy
or
Crying
or
Begging
or
Needy
or
Scary
or
You get the idea....

For that I want to Apologize to you and to me...

I need to say these things to you
And I need to really listen as I say them.

So Here I go

I am
a
Beautiful
Fabulous
Scrumptious
Inviting
Sexy
Tantalizing
Jet Fuel Abusing
Mesmerizing
Sweet
Feminine
Funny
Lovable
Smart
Relax on the bar tab Playa, Tonight's on me
Sophisticated
Bossy
Pole Swinging
Supportive
Outstanding
Anything you buy I'll split the bill
Aggressive
Great Meal Cooking
Soft to To the Touch
Easy on Mind
Heaven on the Eyes
High Maintenance
Stripper Tippin
Ill Na Na Havin
Voluptuous
Stripteasing
Delicious
Game Spittin
Sexy As A Mutha Fucka
Energizing
Educated
Tap me on the shoulder & I'll roll over
Big Whip Whippin
Whatever & Whenever
Type of
Chick

Wanting you
No
That's wrong

Needing you
had
turned me
into
a
Brick Flying
Car Windshield Smashing
Calling Too Damn Much
Crying & Crying
Spying
Lying
Do you want me? Asking
Inbox Filling
Window Peeping thru
Texting Too Damn Much
Tail wagging
finger pointing
Blackberry Blowing up
Sad poem writing
Exorcist needing
Green shit spitting
Pick me begging
Please Love me! Whispering
Want me! screaming
______ Hug Missing
Love song singing
Low down feeling
Submissive
Yes _________! saying
__________ Kiss Fiening
Slow Jam playing
all night waiting
Being an unused Whore
Masturbating
Black Tahoe looking for
cell phone checking
Unpretty feeling
email inspecting
Just Plain Rejected
type of
Bitch!

However I Want/Need to officially Thank You
for that Journey

Summer nights
will never
be the same
Again

Looking out
of my own
windows
puts a devilish
smile on
my face



You have
Taught me things
that I did not know
I wanted to know
& I would have never known
Unless I meet You

I still remember
The first night our
"Friendship"
turned into flirting

I will always remember
the night when
you took my face in
your hands
and kissed me
like
you
owned me
and
knew what would
me Climax
Arch my Back
and Beg for more
Did you feel that.... Damn!

I have to go on a _________________ Detox Program
to try to and
get you
outta my system
No calling
No texting
No thinking about
No Visualizing Naked
No wishing for
No hoping that
No writing about or to
No wanting
all of which was hard to do



But even with
all that said

Your Kiss,
Your _______,
and Your Grip
are priceless

This new __________...............is cool

but---------- ain't You..

You know what they say,
"The easiest way to get over a ________
is to get under another"

I'm Still Saving "it" for you

I figured
If the person I want
couldn't handle it
I figure no one gets it...

I still
Love
You

I'm still
your friend
whatever that means
to you

I am
still yours.........
in a way
will always be
in a strange way

I have just told you
So much about me....

So tell me.......
how you been?

Love Always,

The New and Improved
Same Great Taste
But
Less filling

Eulogy

Have you done your Eulogy yet? I know you are probably thinking, Eulogy? It’s the first of the year and she’s talking about something as negative as a Eulogy? How depressing… Before any of you throw a hissy fit, I’ll explain what I mean. This month is your NEW BEGINNING. Life has so many wonderful possibilities in store for you. The only problem you have now is that you are thinking about your past- the failures, the missed opportunities, and the hurt feelings that have put negative thoughts deep within your subconscious mind. It is time for you to release them. Let them go. You’ve held on to them for too long. It is okay not to feel the way you used to feel or think the way you used to think. Your time is NOW. Make good USE of it.

~Write down everything that has held you back.
~Read It.
~ Let out that last good cry.
~Release….
~Find peace within yourself.

Now, Begin anew and let your light shine brightly. You were meant to do so. Your future is ahead of you. Dream Big, Love Hard, and Be YOUR BEST SELF!