Wednesday, March 30, 2011

its not what I thought it was ... is it?

Love making
what it is it?
If you asked me years ago
my reply would have been
simply "there is no such thing"
Now my answer would be much different
In my opinion
It can be done and
is usually more appreciated
when its done outside the bedroom
It can be as simple as a passionate kiss
everytime you lay eyes on your beloved
can be be nurturing and taking full care of your beloved
I mean total care
without funny looks, mumblings, or roughness

making love is listening to
and actively using the information heard

Making love is taking hours
literally to take someones body to the edge
let it dangle
and bring it back

Making love is more the the act of two bodies thrashing together
its about two souls molding together


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Ramblings of Me

*1 st I dont feel like spell or grammar checking*
Pain is suppose to be a sign of Birth, Death, and/or Healing
I have been in almost constant pain since 12/23/10
Pain that requires narcotics
I have not in my opinion been a good wife, mother, employee, friend, etc
because of this pain
I am feeling like I am somehow being prepared or pushed for something
I know that everything in life happens according to God's plan and that everything has a reason
I dont know what the reason is
I thought it could be my body responding to me being totally in love with someone(for the first time ever) and that someone being a man (gasp) and that sent my back into spasms
I thought that the idea of being hurt emotionally, deeply, and being totally vulnerable to another flawed spirit made my body react
So I begin to talk to my body and my God to relieve the pain
That didnt work

I sought treatment from holistic and western medicine
I thought I have found the miracle cure
Had the wonder shot and was fine for 21 days :-(
Had the 2nd shot of 3
lets just say the wonder lost its thuder

In Pain

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


So after almost a year of silence, you may have thought that I would come back to the Bloggersphrere and Recap on the last 10 months of my life, right? Wrong!! My first post will be about Notorious BIG. Yes Biggie *kayne shrug*
The first time I heard his voice was on Party and Bullshit on Hot 97fm and I would be safe in saying it was probably on Funk Master Flex's Show... Didn't know who he was and truthfully didn't care.
In the Summer of 94 while chillin on the Block, yes i did such things, a mean black on black Range Rover Puller up and out hoops Faye. Looking absolutely Fly,per her usual,giving out daps, handshakes, and hugs to the masses. After I got my hug, she chatted it up with those of us whom she knew. "I just got married" she says as we all congratulate her. "here is his C.D coming out.. Its gonna blow." "Wow" "cool for you guys" we mutter half accepting the C.D.. She says her goodbyes and bounces.. Know don't get me wrong the ones gathered in the aftermath of her visit knows that Faith aka Faye is a powerhouse in the pipes department.. I mean this girl can BLOW, but this dude, hmmmmm. We don't know him!!! Whats up with this album cover is that a Baby?! We all disband. The block has clearly seen its excitement for the day. South 11th street and Clinton Ave can be very interesting.. Gun fire interesting..
One Day "unbelievable" comes on the radio.. I hear the Artist name and run to my room to get the CD Faye had given me weeks before.. Sure shit.. there it is.. I put in it in my Walkman, put on my headphones and like many others fall in love with hip/hop all over again.
On 3/9/97 His voice was silenced. No new materiel. just gone. Biggie was The King of the New York. The East Coast champ. He was also a husband, father, and around the way Boy who made good. I still remember vividly the text messages and phones call that started coming in at 6am est.. I couldn't believe it.. I had seen him. Shook the man's hand but didn't know him. I cried for hours after hearing of the news. to the point that you would've thought that I, with my platinum blond hair, was Faye and not just a fan. I trekked my way to the funereal home, saw Faye sing her heart out to her husband, saw Lil Kim act a fool over his casket, and saw all of Brooklyn, all of New York for that matter, sob for this man.
So on today 14 years later, I play my BIG playlist.. think of my younger days with a smile on my face. And write about a man who was cut down too soon.. No scratch that, not too soon, just before alot of folks were ready... GOD'S PLAN IS FLAWLESS NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS

Writing feels good.. I missed it

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