Tuesday, August 30, 2011


So I have done things on my to do list
I am Drinking More water
I even Wrote A lil poem
I have on makeup, a Cute dress and my hair in a decent ponytail
Day 2 is going well

Monday, August 29, 2011

No Excuses???!!!!!!!

A FaceBook Friend is Doing 30 days of making a habit/no excuses and I thought "wow that's neat. I should do that too" Then My next thought was an excuse.. Yikes. Lawd Gawd Please tell me I just didn't do that... Nope I did
Have I become so Lazy that I can find and excuse for Everything I need, want, and Have to do? The answer Is YES! I look a Hot A$$ Mess this morning. Scrubs on, No Makeup, and Hair in a ponytail. I barely look like someone maid let alone someones wife. AND one of my goals/aspirations is to be this super hot wife.. UGH. My excuse for looking this way is I went to sleep at 12am and overslept therefore did not have to time to Curl my hair, Put on a face, and lay out some clothes.. mind you I was in the House Most of the weekend due to Hurricane Irene..
So I have Decided to Give It A Go But to Do It Until January 1,2012.. That's 125 days...
In that Time I will do the following EVERYDAY
Exercise Daily Walk, DVD, Or Something
Drink at least 64 oz of water a day
Have one treat per day
Do My Daily affirmations
actually do things on my to do list
try one new thing per day
Have Prayer time @ 1030pm every night
Read the Books I have before I purchase a new supply
Make Our New House a home
Grow and Prosper in my roles as Wife, Mother, Sister, Friend, and Even *swallows Hard* Daughter.
Look My Absolute Best
Have Mind blowing, Toe Curling, Body Numbing Sex. *in my Kelly Rowland voice I don't wanna feel my LEGS*
Eat Three meal a day
Have a clean, well stocked, and good smelling home
Write those letters to the Credit Bureaus that I have been putting off since the early 2000's
Write Poetry
and a host of other assignments

Wish Me Luck


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

S. C. A. R. E. D

I grew up never imagining myself married to a man
Or being in love
But here I am both
Trying to be super wife
Super employee at both jobs
Super freak
Super friend
Super student
Super mom from a distance
Super sister
Super woman
Super fit
Finding myself super scared
There are 24 hours in a day
Dont know if it's poor time management
My excessive procrastination
Or my fear of falling on my face hard
But I am failing horribly
I could blame it all on my pain
I could blame it on my lack of good strong women role models
But I won't
I will accept the fact that I want to wear all the hats
And only have one head
That I will not just magically be
June cleaver
Clair huxtable
Vanessa del rio
Michelle Obama
Jillian micheals
Paula dean
Or B. Smith
That I must practice juggling all the balls I have in the air
That time is on my side
That taking a moment to breathe is necessary
Take a moment to connect with my sista friends
That it's okay to be scared
To forgive myself for past mistakes
To listen to that quiet still voice
To plan
To follow said plan
To enjoy the process
To dream big
To pray
To praise
And to know that God
Wants me to be a proverbs 31 woman
And he has equipped me with all the tools I need to do so
I am finding that marriage is a mirror
You get to see all the things you need to fix in you
I see alot a things that need to be fixed
And I am ready to do all the necessary work to get me in order

And I am scared

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

P.H.AT meets FAT

So as you may or maynot know I think I am the prototype for a curvy,sexy,diva; CSD. The other day I passed a mirror totally nude.. Which normally makes me a smile.. Well lets just say I was not pleased with what I saw..
So on Sunday while I took my April Essence mag from my bedside table to its new home in the basement. The Lovely Newly Trimmed JHud smiled brightly at me. Now Before a divorce Lawyer calls me I do NOT want to be a size two or four but A healthier Lighter ME. Maybe a twelve/fourteen. Anywho I decided to give weight watchers online a try. They have apps and other cools tools that seemingly makes the process easier.
Day one was yesterday 4/11/11... two words; EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!! I had breakfast from MickeyD's, A huge Salad from Cosi, and Dinner was with Family at Carrabas.. All are allowable items however I not only ate more points then allowed I also used up alot of my weekly sprulge points for the week. :-(
Day two is going much better. Although I have not a clue whats for dinner and I leave town on thursday night for Part 3 of my birthday extravaganza. Which means some wining and dining.
What I know so far is Like most things Planning helps. Water, veggies, and fruits are also important. I am not a water drinker maybe two bottles a day. I am pushing myself to drink at least 64oz a day.. so far today 20 oz or so.
Will Post Pix tonight
Wish me luck on this new journey

Monday, April 4, 2011


As I sit here
at work
in pain and feeling this ache in my throat
I cant help but to be thankful
I have a job that pays me pretty decent money
I can move with out crying
which wasnt possible two months ago
Although my throat is on fiyah
I have a rx for some antibiotics at home
My Husband who normally treats me like a Queen
Is this treating me like a Goddess
Gifts, Cards, etc.. Basically just showering me with love and affection
No matter what my body is saying
I must remember its my attitude not my circumstances that determine my disposition
I am Blessed beyond measure
I have a life that I didnt even think was possible
I have a God who loves me and only wants things to work out for my good
I am loved
I am sexy
I am beautiful
I am smart
I am healthy
I am Love

You know what I am feeling better all ready

Happy Birthday Jill Scott
Happy Anniversary to the Carter's
Happy Birthday Month to ME


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

its not what I thought it was ... is it?

Love making
what it is it?
If you asked me years ago
my reply would have been
simply "there is no such thing"
Now my answer would be much different
In my opinion
It can be done and
is usually more appreciated
when its done outside the bedroom
It can be as simple as a passionate kiss
everytime you lay eyes on your beloved
can be be nurturing and taking full care of your beloved
I mean total care
without funny looks, mumblings, or roughness

making love is listening to
and actively using the information heard

Making love is taking hours
literally to take someones body to the edge
let it dangle
and bring it back

Making love is more the the act of two bodies thrashing together
its about two souls molding together


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Ramblings of Me

*1 st I dont feel like spell or grammar checking*
Pain is suppose to be a sign of Birth, Death, and/or Healing
I have been in almost constant pain since 12/23/10
Pain that requires narcotics
I have not in my opinion been a good wife, mother, employee, friend, etc
because of this pain
I am feeling like I am somehow being prepared or pushed for something
I know that everything in life happens according to God's plan and that everything has a reason
I dont know what the reason is
I thought it could be my body responding to me being totally in love with someone(for the first time ever) and that someone being a man (gasp) and that sent my back into spasms
I thought that the idea of being hurt emotionally, deeply, and being totally vulnerable to another flawed spirit made my body react
So I begin to talk to my body and my God to relieve the pain
That didnt work

I sought treatment from holistic and western medicine
I thought I have found the miracle cure
Had the wonder shot and was fine for 21 days :-(
Had the 2nd shot of 3
lets just say the wonder lost its thuder

In Pain

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


So after almost a year of silence, you may have thought that I would come back to the Bloggersphrere and Recap on the last 10 months of my life, right? Wrong!! My first post will be about Notorious BIG. Yes Biggie *kayne shrug*
The first time I heard his voice was on Party and Bullshit on Hot 97fm and I would be safe in saying it was probably on Funk Master Flex's Show... Didn't know who he was and truthfully didn't care.
In the Summer of 94 while chillin on the Block, yes i did such things, a mean black on black Range Rover Puller up and out hoops Faye. Looking absolutely Fly,per her usual,giving out daps, handshakes, and hugs to the masses. After I got my hug, she chatted it up with those of us whom she knew. "I just got married" she says as we all congratulate her. "here is his C.D coming out.. Its gonna blow." "Wow" "cool for you guys" we mutter half accepting the C.D.. She says her goodbyes and bounces.. Know don't get me wrong the ones gathered in the aftermath of her visit knows that Faith aka Faye is a powerhouse in the pipes department.. I mean this girl can BLOW, but this dude, hmmmmm. We don't know him!!! Whats up with this album cover is that a Baby?! We all disband. The block has clearly seen its excitement for the day. South 11th street and Clinton Ave can be very interesting.. Gun fire interesting..
One Day "unbelievable" comes on the radio.. I hear the Artist name and run to my room to get the CD Faye had given me weeks before.. Sure shit.. there it is.. I put in it in my Walkman, put on my headphones and like many others fall in love with hip/hop all over again.
On 3/9/97 His voice was silenced. No new materiel. just gone. Biggie was The King of the New York. The East Coast champ. He was also a husband, father, and around the way Boy who made good. I still remember vividly the text messages and phones call that started coming in at 6am est.. I couldn't believe it.. I had seen him. Shook the man's hand but didn't know him. I cried for hours after hearing of the news. to the point that you would've thought that I, with my platinum blond hair, was Faye and not just a fan. I trekked my way to the funereal home, saw Faye sing her heart out to her husband, saw Lil Kim act a fool over his casket, and saw all of Brooklyn, all of New York for that matter, sob for this man.
So on today 14 years later, I play my BIG playlist.. think of my younger days with a smile on my face. And write about a man who was cut down too soon.. No scratch that, not too soon, just before alot of folks were ready... GOD'S PLAN IS FLAWLESS NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS

Writing feels good.. I missed it

More than

I am not just pussy I am soul food and eye candy  I am the soft sweet voice telling you the things you need but don’t want to hear I a...