Wednesday, July 27, 2011

S. C. A. R. E. D

I grew up never imagining myself married to a man
Or being in love
But here I am both
Trying to be super wife
Super employee at both jobs
Super freak
Super friend
Super student
Super mom from a distance
Super sister
Super woman
Super fit
Finding myself super scared
There are 24 hours in a day
Dont know if it's poor time management
My excessive procrastination
Or my fear of falling on my face hard
But I am failing horribly
I could blame it all on my pain
I could blame it on my lack of good strong women role models
But I won't
I will accept the fact that I want to wear all the hats
And only have one head
That I will not just magically be
June cleaver
Clair huxtable
Vanessa del rio
Michelle Obama
Jillian micheals
Paula dean
Or B. Smith
Overnight
That I must practice juggling all the balls I have in the air
That time is on my side
That taking a moment to breathe is necessary
Take a moment to connect with my sista friends
That it's okay to be scared
To forgive myself for past mistakes
To listen to that quiet still voice
To plan
To follow said plan
To enjoy the process
To dream big
To pray
To praise
And to know that God
Wants me to be a proverbs 31 woman
And he has equipped me with all the tools I need to do so
I am finding that marriage is a mirror
You get to see all the things you need to fix in you
I see alot a things that need to be fixed
And I am ready to do all the necessary work to get me in order

And I am scared
Successful
Capable
Accepting
Resourceful
Encouraging
Dedicated

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