Thursday, May 29, 2008

Who love's you????

Do they wanna do right by you?

Do they care about what keeps you up at night?

Can they embrace your freaky side?

Do they know how you like it rough sometimes?

Do they reach for you at night?

Can they be this sexy at this size?

Do they pray for your peace and happiness?

Can they keep you warm at night?

Do they know where you spot is?

Can they Be a role model to you?

will they make they own do or sit around the house?

Can they let you shine?

Will they come to your office and hit you off?

Can they hold you down when shit gets thick?

Can they be a mother?

Are they your whores?

Will they do whatever, whenever, and however like me?

Will they be submissive when you are cocky?

Are the aggressive when you are weak?

Can they kick ass like me?

Will they cook dinner every night with something sexy on?

Will they unbuckle their seatbealts and .... well you know?

Will they fold under pressure?

Will they say yes to a threesome, foursome, or whatever you have in mind for the night?

Will they roll over after you come in from a long night of partying?

will they do a striptease for you?

Will they keep the house running smooth so you can handle the real world?

Can they pay for trips and sprees like me?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I wrote this years ago, ran across it recently.. Still love it!

is it love when I reach out to you and end up fallin?

Do you even know whatyou do to me?

is it love when you cum and I don't?

Do you want me?

You see I can't end this, Why don't you?

Do you like me?

Why don't you love me?

What do you call it when I am honest and you lie?

How do you send me to voice mail?

What do I mean to you?

Where is your compassion?

What does "friend" mean to you?

Do you love me?

Why do you act this way?

How do you live, love,and laugh without me?

Do you care about me?

Do you think about me?

Why do you string me along?

If you want me outta your life why don't you just tell me?

Do you ever feel bad for treating me like this?

Why is it that everytime I asked you "do you want me?" you say "yes" but your actions say no?

Do I love me?

Letting go of the Past

ain't always easy

Friday, May 16, 2008

An Open Letter to the Past

Hey You.
It seems like it was only yesterday That I craved you. Its on rainy days like this that I remember you the most. I have no Idea why rainy days... Wait thats a lie. Do you remember that first day our friendship took that first ... wrong turn.. We were on the phone talkin about nothing and it was hot as hell that day... It started to rain and I said I was heading outside,, you just knew a girly girl like me was not heading outside to enjoy the rain, not going to mess up my hair or clothes... I proved you wrong.. The last time I saw you it was raining.. When I cried for the friendship we lost I felt like its raining.. even when it was not...

I had never in my life felt like that.. That feeling where you can't eat or sleep or do anything else but think of that one person. That was you. I was addicted to you. I wanted so much for us to be..Be what I don't know... I was hurt by you at almost every interaction we had.. At times I was ignored. At others left sexually frustrated. Most times I was just hurt at laying myself out there for you to...... Love me and getting nothing in return.. Sad Huh?

I use to ask myself why you didnt love me?...Why you didnt crave me?.. How you could just live your life fine and happy without me?.. why the first one I loved didnt give a fuck bout me?... Should I be harder? Softer? Girly? Manly? Should I lose weight? Gain Weight? Be Freakier? Is that even Possible??? Whats wrong with me that my one and only didnt want me???? Can you believe that SHIT?????? then i realized....the very thing my girl Shi would always say... People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime... So I Started to ask myself the question which one you were..

Your reason was to simply let me know that I had to give a fuck about myself first and foremost... Although I missed everything about you on rainy days..I know that I give a fuck about me... And you were not what I'd hope you'd be.

But I would not take back a moment of our time together... If it wasn't for you I wouldn't know what I wanted, needed, deserved, or required... I don't do bullshit because of you.. I know I am sexy at 225 or 125.. That I am THE SHIT!!!! ALL DAY EVERYDAY... If it was not for you I would not love my Boo so much. I had to be treated like a Pauper to realize that NOW I am treated like a Queen.. Anything I want or need is handed to me on a silver platter by this woman... She knows when I am sick, depressed, or confused by hearing my voice or seeing my face.... She knows how to do that thing, whatever it is,,,,That makes me SCREAM in PURE EXTASY!! But I owe my happiness to you... On rainy days I am so so so so so happy... Tears of joy fill my eyes... I thank God for my Boo... And for you

Hope you are well.... I know I am!


Thursday, May 15, 2008

Love Drug

Raheem DaVaughn's latest song, one of my favorite songs and artist of the moment, is Love Drug... I feel that song... In and Out... I LOVE that song... I am someones Drug and they are mine....However, They was a time that I was addicted to someone who was not addicted to me.. Anyway a list has been compiled (Thanks to My Homegirl Over at SavedinTheCity) that compares drug use and sex.


DRUGS: Sudden changes in interest
SEX: Lose interest in any thing that is not related to getting some

NOW, if you have EVER gotten it the RIGHT way, you will find that your most pressing issues of the day is not family, work, politics or the weather….it is I need HIM/HER right now and you will spending every waking moment trying to figure when will be the next time you can get that high/release AGAIN. Psychiatrists say that the addiction itself is the underlying cause of behavioral changes, where patients lose interest in everything that they do, especially those that matters most. So its not your partners sexual prowess that has your mind blown its your addiction to that high, not how you get there, just getting there.


DRUGS: Compulsive acts of borrowing money or any actions related to money
SEX: Compulsive acts of THROWING your money away by wining, dining and loaning money to your boo.

It might be a stretch to compare the two, but at the end of the day whether its sex or drugs you end up broke, LOL. Now we all know the idiots that we see on Divorce Court and other shows that have “loaned” their unemployed, broke down boo money for a car, down payment, etc. As we laugh at these idiots, think about all the countless times that you yourself have done the same thing is some shape or form. Maybe not a loan but you have taken that person to dinner, etc. One day, it may have been so good that you got him a short set (thanks Beyonce). You would be hard pressed to find anyone to do such idiotic things in a sexless relationship.


DRUGS: Secretive acts
SEX: Secretive acts

If you frequent secretive places such as crack houses, you would most likely be a drug addict. Now, for the sexually addicted this goes several ways. Have you ever spied on that guy/or girl, went through their phone, hacked their voicemail (I’m telling too much). Well, if your answer is yes, why all the secrecy. Now the ultimate secretive acts are the FREAKY, indescribable things that you will do to get to the next level of highness. SOME of you have done things that only you and that person know about. Just like a crack head will do any matter of things to get his next hit, you will do all manner of porn star level things to get your release.


DRUGS: Withdrawal symptoms
SEX: Withdrawal symptoms

Drug addicts manifest withdrawal symptoms. Drug addicts usually demonstrate feeling of restlessness, nausea, tremors, anxiety, insomnia, sweating, and difficulty to concentrate. All this applies when you try to let go of someone who treats you like spit on the sidewalk. Drugs make you high while damaging your heart, kidney, etc. Sex makes you feel good while sometimes damaging your heart, mind, self esteem, etc. When you try to let him or her go you are anxious that maybe you can’t do any better, restless at night, sweating when you think of him/her, feeling tremors at the thought of what you used to feel, unable to concentrate at work and nauseated by the freak nasty things that you used to do.


DRUGS: Over usage
SEX: Over usage

You are a drug addict if you tend to use a particular drug longer than prescribed by the doctor or if you use it even for no apparent reason at all. When a relationship is otherwise useless and you continue to engage in it, you are overusing your prescription.


DRUGS: Inability to stop
SEX: Inability to stop

You are already hooked up when you can no longer stop using the drugs. Your body's mechanism is already dependent on it; hence, stopping will cause more problems that you are unable to handle. So, you call it a second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth chance and drug addicts call it a relapse, it’s all the same.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Welcome Google!!!

Google is showing my Blog some love so when you visit me... Show them some love too!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Give and Don't Receive...Hell No!!!!

Life is so short... Love... That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach... Is fleeting.. However, When that feeling strikes you.. Get and Receive Love....Life....Respect... Lust.... Don't just give it.... We as women tell ourselves... well some of us do... That giving and not receiving is okay... that if.....just if.... I give Ray, or Earl, or Mike, Or Doug, or in my case Sally (LOL) what they want... That they would give us what we want.....Wrong!!!!! When you give love expect to get it... If you don't then move to the next!!!

Dreams of ......

Last night I had dreams of You ..... Dreams of hot and sticky... Seeing you Buck like a stallion... breathing was short... brows were sweaty... air was thick with you... and me... lights were dim... you were soft and innocent.... sheets were wet. time stood still...God was Called...Love was made... I was tipsy off of Hyp and you... You were drunk off of me.... backs were scratched... Hair was pulled.... Our Moans could be heard from miles away.... Bruise were made... We were Us... You Tamed me... I released You... You pushed I Pulled... There were tears.... You and I were made whole Last night... I saw mountains, and trees, Birds and bees.. You were the river that I drank from... Whew I was thristy...I was Yours... You were Mine... We were One...

Last night I had dreams of you.... Wished they were true...... I am me... and You are you....

But last night We Were Us

Monday, May 12, 2008

Walks in the Rain

Have you ever walked in the rain?
I mean really walked in the rain
not worrying about your hair or your clothes
or how crazy you looked
walking in rain

I walked in the rain today

I got home from work
changed clothes and walked in the rain
It was so wonderful and
and me
it was
good sex
a talk with god
coffee with oprah
just wonderful

I talked to an old friend while on that walk
someone that I haven't talked to in a long time
I've seen them
been with them
but today
talking to my Nygga
not putting on heirs
saw them and
didn't give a damn
that my hair was in a scarf
that I was sweaty
I was tired
and winded
we just talked
acted silly
just being friends
I realized I miss
them more than I
ever thought
I had given up on being friends
that friend
thought we fell apart
now I know they
are still there
and I love them for that

today i walked in the rain
found me
found my friend
and spoke with God
What did you do today?

That Is not my Body But It will be soon!

To the right of your screen there is a picture of my Sexy Hero Melyssa Ford... Whose body is the BUSINESS! My body is very nice but I am..... curvier than that!! LOL

My diet is getting better (SHE TYPES AS SHE EATS ICE CREAM) but I still have 14 weeks until the pool party and 10 weeks (and a couple of days) until Fl...

I can do it!

I will do it!

I am Doing it better!

I'm Your Whore!

I am your whore...
Bought and Paid for with kisses and tricks.
With heart ache and Well you know....

I will do whatever you say... when you say......... and how you say..... everyday......... OK?

I will get down on my knees and pray to the god within you...
As you spill in my mouth...
Givin me more reason to believe in you....


are you hard yet? I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Right there!!!!!!

Don't stop!!!!!!!



It's Your Pussy Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you like hearing me scream your name as you quench my flame with your precious yet well deserved milky goodness.

how many ladies have you had in my position?

Got em wishin and doin tricks..

for a glimpse of you and that...

I am your whore

Are you a good pimp?

Do you sell me dreams that are seldom seen?????????????....

Will you lose me in a dice game to a Pimp with more game??????????

Or do you know like I know????

I am your bottom bitch!!!!

The one you can treat like shit cause you know I ain't goin no where....

Like A Donald Goines Book, My left hook to the chin of whoever you point out...

You want me to kill Him, Baby?

I say before I spray my 9mm....

Like a Cook Book you recipe gets the best of me....

In the kitchen in front of the stove with my Hooker pumps on, makin you a meal that you won't eat............cause dessert is toooooooo sweet and waiting for you to eat my french lace panties.......bon apetite.....

I am your whore...
Bought and Paid for with kisses and tricks.
With heart ache and well you know....

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day


Hey All

Ok 2008 is off to a hell of a start... Now My SS is going thru ish... She is being stalked!!!!! Oh Hell Naw!!!!! (I am so glad that some how all my peeps have a secret nickname or else I would be in trouble for revealing these facts!!!) WHEW!!!

Anyhoo, that is the purpose of this email..Stalking!!!. Even I have stalk'd... GASP!!!!! I am ashamed to admit it but I have.. There was this fine a$$ MoFo that I just had to have... I mean had to have!!!! Like really, really had to have!!!!!... lol

This lovely person gave me reason after reason after reason why we could not be A couple for lack of a better term.. But said we could be friends who flirted and had some very inappropriate conversations and physical interactions anytime... Now this lovely person gave me Good reasons... Rational reasons... Plain ol reasons... But I really could not, would not, thought I should not listen to them.. I really wanted to have a relationship, for lack of a better term, with this lovely person.

Let me clear a few things up... I wasn't the scary stalker... I don't think???? LOL!!!! I was the annoying, yet ego boosting stalker.. I would call all the time, email all the time, and text all the time..Tell this person how fine, smart, sexy, and lovable they were ..all the time.. Who doesn't want to hear that... all the time.. I Would want this person physically all the time! All the time!!! no really... all the time!!! Who doesn't want to know that someone out there in this big world wants them that much... LOL!!!! This lovely person would return my emails, sometimes.. return my phone calls, rarely... and would even return my texts... when they were drunk or horny.... which was every blue moon...

One day I realized, while I was calling them, that they were not... I repeat not going to answer the phone... I mean the call was going to go to voice mail..Because it usually did... I was not going to leave a message because I was mad at myself for calling in the 1st place.cause I knew I was going to voice mail...... And I said to myself, "Sexy (yes I call myself Sexy) Why are you putting yourself thru this?" I could not answer.. So I stopped... Yeah Me!!!... Unless I was drunk or horny..Boo Me!!!.LOL!!!

Now all stalking ain't bad... If you are stalking a career, a better future, more money, a closer relationship with God, or anything that would make your life better.... Then stalk away.. Otherwise you need to have a talk with yourself!

Star Gazer

Star Gazer
To you
I am
a Girl
just one
of the many
in your world

To me
You are
will be
always are
a superstar

A summer night
a few drinks
no time to think
car headed
in your direction
like it had
been there before
being your Whore
and luvin it

Like most stars
you are
to be looked at
not touched
not possessed
not held
not caressed
or kissed

just wished upon

from now on
I will treat you
like the
star you are

I will look up
at the night sky
because no matter
how I fight
tears I cry
to myself
l lie

Your place
is in the sky
not in my life

So don't be surprised
if I
don't call
don't write
don't fight
no more

I am
your Whore
no more

Just a Star Gazer


just flow with me on this one
this one is different
this is the last one
I'm crying now

words may not
come out right

Don't judge me on this one
because I
about you

For you
to tell me
that we won't be
is like
angels with
no wings
with no gas

for you to
what you said

A part of
is it
in me?

Don't ask me
just know

just flow with me on this one
this one is different
this is the last one

I'm crying now
words may not
come out right

Your soul
in heart
forreal though
am I
was I
that horrible
to you
that you
had to say

just flow with me on this one
this one is different
this is the last one

I'm crying now
words may not
come out right

forces one
to think
about shit
and me
and us

am I here
Jill Scott
and you

just flow with me on this one
this one is different
this is the last one

I'm crying now
words may not
come out right

this is the last one
my last one
to you

has to be

have made
in eyes
never thought
this day would

over somebody

calling too

texting too

caring too

not being

just flow with me on this one
this one is different
this is the last one

I'm crying now
words may not
come out right




for me

I am not
a Big Girl

This hurts

just flow with me on this one
this one is different
this is the last one

I'm crying now
words may not
come out right

I'm Crying
I am
you already

I had
for us

I had
good sex
fuck it
great sex
for us

I am crying
to getting what I want
I'm spoiled

I wanted you
Truth be told

This is the
last one
has to

This hurts
so much

I'm crying









Thank you
for flowing with me on this one
this one was so different

I hope
words came out

I'm still crying

I am so PISSED!!!

Maybe the poetry

had you gas'd

Maybe the melodic melodies

had you seeing false fantasies

That wasn't me

either way

let me say

You were never

would never

could never

Be the Osiris to my Isis

What you were

or could have been

was a fuck

a new way to get a nut

just new kisses

for this Mrs

Never did I propose

to you

although it was true

I wanted to know

what made your eyes

roll up in your head

a realationship

of any kind

with you

is a joke

you can not even be

good friend

but then again

Maybe the poetry

had you gas'd

Maybe the melodic melodies

had you seeing false fantasies

That wasn't me

My love is






or didn't you know this

Baby keep focused

what I wanted from you

was a sexual thing

I didn't want a realationship

with some well used shit

you were my poetic Muse

given me new shit

to spit

on open mic nite

but Maybe the poetry

had you gas'd

Maybe the melodic melodies

had you seeing false fantasies

Trust me

It wasn't me

Merry Xmas

Happy Holiday
Hey Baby
This is not poetry
this is a statement
It's Almost ????
And I have wanted you
for about 2 years now
730 days
17250 hours
1051200 minutes
In that time
What have I
got from you?
I got a few phone calls
some nice emails
couple of texts
a few views of that body of yours
some truly wonderful kisses
heard you call my name
up close
In my ear
as you climaxed
some arguments
some tense moments
lots of wet dreams
What I wanted from you?
nothing really
therefore i am truly thankful that I got that!
I really am

I wish i knew why
I think about you at least
once a week or so
I need to know why
i will do anything for
you to touch me
why I would sell my soul
for one of your kisses

I wonder what it is about
that makes me have no
self respect
I will do whatever
however you
whatever you need I got you!!!
Know that!
Trust That!
Fuck or no Fuck!
You are my Nygga!
I love you as I love all my friends
however I don't want to have sex with or kiss them...

I know that
I have said before
That I need to be free
of my addiction
of you
but I don't know how
I really don't
sometimes, well most times
I don't want to

You see
I want ???? to be
all about me
I have lost 5lbs in 10 days
I want to have my old sexier body back
30 is the new 20, you know... lol
This year is all about
getting what I
I have a great life
a very special Boo
a job I love
A handful of good friends
a bunch of associates
I am almost done school
I love being me

I just don't know
why you have this hold over me
I need to know
do you know
what it is
Can you tell me what
to do to get over it
I hoped that we would kiss
or get close to having sex
and it would be so bad
that that would cure me

But No!!!!!!!
as i have said before
your kiss, your umm well you know and your grip
are priceless

I guess the purpose of this
is to let you know
That you are the Shyt!!

Have a Happy Healthy Holiday Season
Hope to see you at my holiday party


how can you miss what you have not had????

Because imagination is a terrible thing to I wish some of us (me included) would lose it... Imagination gets us in more trouble than our actions (well sometimes anyway.) I am a girly girl..My mind plays tricks on me. I imagine great things. No one imagine that the new person they met is an asshole.

No one imagine that a new love is going to break their heart, be an idiot, or black their eye. We (or I if you don't want to admit it) think that if I just do this, they will do that or as one of my favorite actor's Angela Bassett says in "Waiting to Exhale" "I thought if I gave him what he needed, he would give me what I needed" ......

What I need to remember (and I am using I because you don't know what I'm talking about...Wink) Is as my Girl D says while she talks about the new Boo in her life "I'm the shit Nygga not you!" lol

I know that now....Wish I knew that then

I am Tired of BS!!!

So I went to a Links luncheon yesterday... It was awesome Susan Taylor was the speaker. She spoke to me..Or at least thats what I thought..That I am tired of BS.. Of accepting less than the best from me or any one else.. I have been on a weight loss plan since 3/24/08 and have lost & gained the same 5lbs twice... I exercise every blue moon. I have a full gym in my home. I have almost every excercise DVD known to man. And I am still FAT (I am PHAT too but thats another story lol)

So I am in my bag, Period

I just got a tingle up my spine!

This Ish Sucks

Ok so here is how it ends with the infamous D. I told my Girl (hey Shi) about D... Everything how I loved D, how I craved D. Everything. My Girl told me follow your heart, trust your gut, and do you.. My heart wanted D, My gut said f*CK D, and well doing me meant don't settle for BS. So, as I was driving my girl home, I talked to D on the cell...setting up an episode. After droppin her off. I realized that everything D said was going happen that nite I wasn't looking forward to ANY of it. I lied and said I hit traffic so we would hook up some other time. When I woke up the next morning I asked myself why are you lying??? so I sent a long, rambling text saying its over. I need what you cant give. Blah blah blah.D texted back that "I knew you were lying Last nite" and a well I guess its over... Seeing that I was so hurt... I started to cry. I texted D what I was feelin (hurt) and what i was doin (cryin) this SOB replied thanks for sharing. No it's ok Baby. or sorry we didnt work out... Or anything...Just thanks for sharing...

Damn 2 years. Gone. wantin, needin, prayin for ish to work out... I loved D.... F that I love D. and all I got was thanks for sharin..

This ISh Sucks

But it made me realize that when you feel like no one or a certain someone does not have you back...You have got to move your back. Was i hurt? did I grieve? did I miss D? yes!!! yes!!! YES!!!

Do I deserve better?? FUCK YES!!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Missing You

Missing you
Open mike nite is tonight..
as sit here at work
shifting thru them
As I pick which one to say
figuring out should it be a lovey dovey one about wifey
a lusting, wishing, sexy one about you
I realized something......
I miss you....

so....thought i would let you know
that I was missing you
and what I missed
I miss hearing that deep voice
on my phone
in my ear
talking shit
missed seeing
those eyes
there is something
very sexy and mysterious about those eyes
makes one want to find out what is hidden
within them
Your laughter
is infectious
haven't been infected in a while
I miss hearing your stories
you life crisis's
your abundance of women issues
your fears on becoming a better parent
I miss
my 12 am texts
that I would wait for
excited by the vision and sounds waiting for me
in my kitchen
I miss "accidentally" running into you
at the club
going to the bat cave
(every time I watch 300, which is often because it is one of my top 10.... I love that story!,)
I miss you
I miss your Kisses, although I only had a couple
I miss things that I never experienced
like laying on your chest
playing in your hair
looking up or down or behind at you
at the moment of orgasm
the taste of your... love as it cums
kissing you in the rain
mounting you like the stallion you are

just missing you
and thought you should know

Black and White

One of the first things that grab the eye of a visitor to our home is a 5x7 Black and White photo in a crimson frame. The two women in the picture have an “I have just won the lottery” kind of smile. It is one of my favorite photos, mainly because of what the eye cannot see or hear,

The snapshot clearly suggests the two are acquainted as hinted by their intimate proximity, similar fashion, hairstyle and their toothpaste advertisement smiles. They are posed in front of what appears to be a stone building with a Spanish design. Chains of daisy cups hang from the structure’s roof and act as rain spouts – offering a reference to Latin derived ornaments in the architecture. Tropical foliage peeks into the picture from the right. The photograph is your basic black and white, outdoor shot; clean and sharpness, marking the photographer’s expertise in working with sun and light.

Oh but what beautiful colors and sounds the photographer left for me to gladly describe to each questioning visitor. I share with each of my friends the roar of the Caribbean Sea just a few hundred feet to our left; the pleasant chatter of area vendors as they haggle with swarms of trinket hungry tourists and the softly accented pronunciation of English by our Dominican host as they laugh and speak with the guests. The picture fails to mention the sweet breeze blowing across the scarcely wrapped bodies adorning the beach sand or the soothing melody of steel drums always present in the air.

Furthermore, the picture provides no clue to the time and struggle exerted to gain S’s cooperation in taking the picture. S hates taking pictures; however she reluctantly agreed. To both of our surprise, we had committed to a photo shoot with Otorro’ – the Island’s flaming photographer who perched, pulled, and positioned us in the weirdest poses for 2 hours non-stop. He made the dreadful event absolutely unforgettable.

Out of approximate 5 rolls of film: dune climbing, water splashing, hammock gliding, carriage riding, tree hanging and sand squatting, I love a simple black and white 5X7 that reminds me of all of the colors and sounds of the Punta Cana Resort in the Dominican Republic. My Boo and I, with our big smiles and with the heat of summer love all around us. The sounds and colors of the picture are so breath taking that we are going back again, this year….

Step up or fall back

That is what I'm feeling today about everything!
Step up or fall back

I feel like if this is my game to play
then everyday
from today until the headstone
I will give 1010%
Lose or win
Tired of looking back feeling like
I shouldve said this
I shouldve done that
Step up or fall back

I am not a fall back type of Bitch
When Ish gets thick
I thrive
that ish makes feel
like I'm alive
To know I wont back down or lay down
My Mother said to me
Get down or lay down and if you lay down then
stay down...
My mothers' motherly advice
sucks right?
Time to Step up or Fall back

What I lack
is back bone against
believe it or not
A$$holes with pretty smiles
convincing tongues
and sexy Swaggers
But if I am
to Live each day like its my last
then from this point forward
All A$$holes
can kiss my A$$
Step up or fall Back

This Junk in my trunk
ain't made for Chumps
Whats behind my eyes,
in between my thighs,
and whats under those things
that makes me look
so cute in V neck shirts
Are priceless
Not to be given to the weak.
Time to Step up or fall back

I feel like my back is against a wall now
My enemies should be nervous
Hope innocent people don't get caught up
in the crossfire
if they do then maybe
they deserve it
Step up or fall back!

My New Birthday Is May 5.... Mark your Calenders!

Friday, May 2, 2008

Life Repeats itself

OK Life repeats itself.... If the lesson is not learned or in some cases even if it is..... Life repeats itself!

As we know (via this mornings' email) I am trying to help a friend... overcome some ish... While speaking with my Homegirl ( Hey!!!) she astutely reminded me that I too did not, could not, would not listen to her reasoning and opinions.. When i was going thru a similar situation over a decade ago.....

After we hung up... The Secret Garden came on the radio..... Are you serious????? That song make my private playground moist!!! Then my phone rings ( now if you really know me, you know I had no earthly business answering that phone, after seeing who was calling) but I did.. And after 1minute and 29seconds of chit chat.. ( and yes I timed it) Life repeats itself...

Over a decade I was really into someone.... J was the ish... the ish!!! But J had Hoes in different area codes.. But I was ( and still am) soooooooooo Fabulous and mesmerizing... I was going to put and end ro all of that!!!! I wanted, waited, and dehumanized myself... Accepting treatment I would never accept and would laugh at you for accepting... Long story short... I left J alone...took my power back.. Love me more than J ( for once) then all of a sudden, who has time for me, treats me with care, kindness, love, passion????? You guessed it J... But by that time I had no Love or any other emotion for them...

Fast forward a decade... I am Happily married... Content, loved, and adored... I met D... Damn.... D is.... There is no word in the english or ebonic dictionary to describe D..D makes me feel things.. I know I shouldn't be feeling... makes me want things I know I shouldn't want.. D treats me like ish... ... but I still wanted D so much... to do what was the question... LoL...

J was like a drug... So is D... J made me feel so many thins... So does D... J took me in thier arms and kissed me... So did D... The difference is J was and D is... It is so hard to detox....

I know, I know...Love yourself first... But my body and mind play tricks on me...... I want D in my life so bad.. I want to dance in a club with D... I wanna go to the movies with D... I want to laugh, talk, cuddle with D.... I want to wake up with D.... Now here is the B S... Not all the time just sometimes... I don't want to be D's woman... just a best friend with benefits....Lol

What I really want is to be free of D just as I wanted to be free of J... but everytime i try to leave... they both knew to act right.....


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