Friday, May 2, 2008

Life Repeats itself

OK Life repeats itself.... If the lesson is not learned or in some cases even if it is..... Life repeats itself!

As we know (via this mornings' email) I am trying to help a friend... overcome some ish... While speaking with my Homegirl ( Hey!!!) she astutely reminded me that I too did not, could not, would not listen to her reasoning and opinions.. When i was going thru a similar situation over a decade ago.....

After we hung up... The Secret Garden came on the radio..... Are you serious????? That song make my private playground moist!!! Then my phone rings ( now if you really know me, you know I had no earthly business answering that phone, after seeing who was calling) but I did.. And after 1minute and 29seconds of chit chat.. ( and yes I timed it) Life repeats itself...

Over a decade I was really into someone.... J was the ish... the ish!!! But J had Hoes in different area codes.. But I was ( and still am) soooooooooo Fabulous and mesmerizing... I was going to put and end ro all of that!!!! I wanted, waited, and dehumanized myself... Accepting treatment I would never accept and would laugh at you for accepting... Long story short... I left J alone...took my power back.. Love me more than J ( for once) then all of a sudden, who has time for me, treats me with care, kindness, love, passion????? You guessed it J... But by that time I had no Love or any other emotion for them...

Fast forward a decade... I am Happily married... Content, loved, and adored... I met D... Damn.... D is.... There is no word in the english or ebonic dictionary to describe D..D makes me feel things.. I know I shouldn't be feeling... makes me want things I know I shouldn't want.. D treats me like ish... ... but I still wanted D so much... to do what was the question... LoL...

J was like a drug... So is D... J made me feel so many thins... So does D... J took me in thier arms and kissed me... So did D... The difference is J was and D is... It is so hard to detox....

I know, I know...Love yourself first... But my body and mind play tricks on me...... I want D in my life so bad.. I want to dance in a club with D... I wanna go to the movies with D... I want to laugh, talk, cuddle with D.... I want to wake up with D.... Now here is the B S... Not all the time just sometimes... I don't want to be D's woman... just a best friend with benefits....Lol

What I really want is to be free of D just as I wanted to be free of J... but everytime i try to leave... they both knew to act right.....

Kisses

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