Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Muah

All kisses mean different things
There is a kiss for everything
Don't go
Hurry back
I love you
I've missed you
I want you
I need you
Keep going
Faster 
Harder
Softer
And some kisses mean 
Good Bye
Like that one did




Haikus

If you want it fast
It probably won't be good
So choose wisely friends



 
You are not a friend
You dear are an enemy
Dressed in friends clothing


I used to Love you
Feel Deeply Nightly for you
What was I thinking?


Somtimes I tell you 
What I choose to get a true
Reaction from you



Monday, October 21, 2013

To dump or not to dump from 2008

I always end it
Always
Never the dumped
Always the dumper
I mean really 
Why drag it out
If I don't get what I want
I'm out
Why stay
Why prolong 
Why be even the slightest bit unhappy
Life is short
Moments are to be savored 
Memories are beautiful 
Pain is not

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Things I love

Listening to the word of God

Being unable to sleep but listening to my king lightly snore

Being surprised by gifts no matter how big or small

King Surprising me with an entire date weekend. 

My hair

Cooking

Praying 

Being able to be home with no real worries

My Sister Friends

My Babies although they are adults

New wigs 

YouTube 

Being Female

Blushing

Orgasming very hard 

Pretty Girls with awesome smiles

Knowing I'm a work in progress

Growing


What are yours?

K❤️

 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Unfinished business

Our time together
Will  always be
Messy
No matter how hard we try to clean it up
There will always be
Something
That we didn't do
Or say
Or try
A moment we wish
Pray 
Or
Hope 
That we could take away
Or do differently 
Or make it last longer
It's these moments
That make us find each other again
To have that last conversation
To see each other one  last time just for a sec
To scour emails or
Ask friends for contact info
It's the reason that we both say 
No more ever
Then fall into a new habit of dysfunction 
Trying to finish it right
Once and for all
The moment we realize that CLOSURE 
Is not for relationships
Or lust 
Or love 
The happier we will be
The ones we love the most will always be 
Unfinished Business 
That's best left unfinished

K <3
 

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

In my mother's bathroom

I wish I could explain to somebody
What I'm feeling
What I felt
And what I would probably always feel for you
But most importantly
I wish I could properly expound on it to myself
It is literally beyond my comprehension
As I write this I'm sick
Literally sick
I'm trying to settle my mind and stomach 
Praying not think of you
Begging my food to stay down
But as usual 
I can not
I've erased all
Of our correspondences today
But not before reading them all 
One last time
Just to be sure 
I wasn't completely psychotic or confused 
And I not 
There were pages upon pages
Upon pages
Of mutually sent texts
And emails 
Expressing flirtation 
lust
Friendship
And love 
Dated 2010 to just a few days ago
I'm in awe of
Why I let you take me on a three year journey through hell
Trying to sort out 
what was in it for me
Other than you?
Was there a promise of money
Immorality 
Or some existential understanding? 
But none were found in those pages
I'm done
I've said it before
But I can not do this
I usually would write you a scathing email or text to convey my feelings
To which you would either ignore or discredit 
But in this quiet much needed moment of clarity found in the bathroom of my mothers house
With my head pressed against the cold sturdy and somehow comforting porcelain of her toilet where I just emptied out my breakfast
Is where I will let it out. 
I will strangely always love you 
For what you've shown me about me
And as I say you name one last time
I release you 
  



Ode to insomnia

This is our thing
I'm here
Wishing you away
You're as mysterious 
As always
Playing with me
Popping up 
Just when I think we are done
You tempt me
Then vanish
Tonight feels
Different
Somehow
I'm not sure
If I even care anymore
Your appearance 
Will be short
After you leave
Which will be soon
I will be a bit grumpy
But I'll survive
If you pop up again
I will pray
Or read 
Or play
I'm finally over you
So sleep 
No sleep
Tomorrow will be fine



Friday, October 11, 2013

Waiting

Wanting 
Needing
Yearning
For you
What should I do?
I've been 
In this same spot
With my torn heart
Just for you
It's true
I've been waiting 
Tick tock 
Tick tock
The clock 
Keeps on moving
But I can't go
I'm still here 
Waiting 
Some days you breathe me in
Like a sweet perfume
And then you go away
That's not what you're suppose to do
I'm always here
You always there
But here I stay
Waiting 
I'm beautiful
I can fufill your needs 
I am everything
If you could only see
I'm here waiting
Tick tock
Tick tock
The clock 
Keeps moving
You are doing 
Nothing to keep me here
I want to walk away
But my feet 
Won't obey 
I'm still here
Waiting 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Insomnia Incoherencies

So after battling what I assumed to be a migraine (although it could have been a symptom of my hypertension) all day which means I took copious amounts of meds and caffeine I can't sleep. Womp Womp. 
While laying in the bed listening to the sweet sounds of my King's snore (thankfully one of us is asleep) I have made mile long to do list. Decorated our home several times (we so need new furniture.) Made myself hungry by figuring out this weeks meals. Deleted my Facebook page for the third time this years (DJM).  
One great thing ,well maybe two, although both are fattening and expensive that I've decided to do was cook <<<<~~~ which is calming at times. I used to love to cook. And try my hand in DIY projects. 
Wait. Is that the sandman calling me??
Gotta go. 
❤️

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Puzzling

know what's important 
Who is important
What I want
I even know my purpose (I think)
So when a piece of the puzzle
Doesn't fit
Or is lost
Or seems out of place
I try to make it work
I give it "all she's got captain" (I just watched Star Trek)
But if it's not working
Then I move on
One piece will not ruin 
The Entire picture
The puzzle may even change
And I too may evolve
But if that piece 
causes me 
too much grief
I'm done
Not with the puzzle
But with making that piece
Fit in




Monday, September 23, 2013

Thoughts of You

The thought of you

Laying on your bed 

Smiling

Breathless

Horny

Im Slightly drunk

You're Glistening 

We're Sexy

You're Naked

Waiting on me

Pulling me closer with your eyes

Is a dance we dance

Sometimes you lead I follow

Most time I lead you follow

Hesitantly 

We know its wrong

We can't seem to do right 

We stop dancing for a while

Then on lonely

Horny

Drunk

Nights

When the cloak of morality

Is not draped across our shoulders

We pick up right where we left off 

You pop in my mind

At the most awkward times

No matter how hard I pray

Wish

Hope

Cry

Beg

Those images

And my desire

For you will not fade 

My dreams are filled 

With visions of you

Loving me

Kissing me

Fucking me

Talking to me

Never in all my years of life

Have I needed someone like this

It's beyond me

Why 

With all that we've been through

As must as we try not to 

we continually 

Do this dance

You want me

I need you

You say no

I say I probably should not

Yet 1-2 times a month 

Like clockwork

We are fantasizing 

Masturbating 

Plotting

And scheming to be together 

I don't want to do this dance anymore

I want to enjoy 

Whatever this is

For as long as I can

Is it wrong?

Yes

But this connection

Has bound us 

We seem unable to free from it

And sometime I don't want to

But this dance is getting old

And Honesty too

The intruding alarm woke Honesty James out of a wonderful dream. She brushed her chestnut locs out of face and peeked at the 

clock. 5:15 glowed at her in the darkness. "Oh shit" she mumbled. Her new work out plan would have to wait til the next week. 


As she beckoned sleep to come her way she thought about the caramel dream she meet at Cup and Saucer coffee shop two days before.  Troy was the name his smooth voice echoed as they chatted while waiting for their drinks to be made. 


She had never seen a specimen like him before. 6'5 the color of light and sweet coffee, bald headed, a smile to light her way out of the darkness. She literally shivered when their hand touched when they exchanged business cards. 


It had been 5 years since Jeff broke her heart along with her nose, right arm, and 3 ribs. After 2 years of counseling and therapy she moved to Miami shortly after. 


And Troy seemed like just the right way to get her feet wet well not just her feet

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

That's that shit I don't like

So after having pretty major surgery and being out of work for 5 weeks without benefit of short term disability (because of my company's size) I return to work two weeks ago ready to hit the ground. I was working my ample butt off.

So imagine my surprise yesterday at being fired... Womp Womp

Really?

And the cherry on top, "we were going to let you go in July but didn't want the stress of having no job impede your recovery."

The Fuck??


Sunday, August 11, 2013

Words

Things said
Like I love you
I need you
I want you
Be mine
Love me
Are all music to my ears
IF they come out of the mouth I desire
However when words
And actions 
Are polar opposites
I still stay
For a while
Cause I have hope
That you are 
Who you say you are
That you will do
What you say you will do
That your word is your bond
This is a slippery slope
We're on
To slide one way is to deny our instincts
That tug between us
That Everyone feels when they mention one of us around the other
To slide the other is a sin riddled, lie filled, alibi making up, lustful, carnal, foolish, and Joyous ride
To stay grounded where we are is just dumb how much longer can we do this?Months? Years?  Decades? 
I ever the nonconformist have decided just hours ago to take option to jump off this cliff with the only one who has shown in words and deeds they care for me 
Me
And I will love me
Need me 
Want me
Cause my word is Bond

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Maybe

Maybe the things I want
Are just fantasies
Figments of my active imagination
Maybe this love thing is suppose hurt
I'm suppose to cry like this
And feel this way
Maybe
I just don't get what I want
Or what I need for that matter
Maybe the things I desire aren't for me
Maybe I'm just a lesson for him
But maybe just maybe
It's all apart of the plan
Preparing me 
For everything I've ever dreamed of

More than

I am not just good pussy I am soul food and eye candy  I am the soft sweet voice in your ear telling you to keep going  I am the heart...