Muah

All kisses mean different things

There is a kiss for everything

Don't go

Hurry back

I love you

I've missed you

I want you

I need you

Keep going

Faster 

Harder

Softer

And some kisses mean 

Good Bye

Like that one did

Haikus

If you want it fast

It probably won't be good

So choose wisely friends



 

You are not a friend
You dear are an enemy
Dressed in friends clothing


I used to Love you
Feel Deeply Nightly for you
What was I thinking?

Somtimes I tell you 

What I choose to get a true

Reaction from you

To dump or not to dump from 2008

I always end it

Always

Never the dumped

Always the dumper

I mean really 

Why drag it out

If I don't get what I want

I'm out

Why stay

Why prolong 

Why be even the slightest bit unhappy

Life is short

Moments are to be savored 

Memories are beautiful 

Pain is not

Things I love

Listening to the word of God

Being unable to sleep but listening to my king lightly snore

Being surprised by gifts no matter how big or small

King Surprising me with an entire date weekend. 

My hair

Cooking

Praying 

Being able to be home with no real worries

My Sister Friends

My Babies although they are adults

New wigs 

YouTube 

Being Female

Blushing

Orgasming very hard 

Pretty Girls with awesome smiles

Knowing I'm a work in progress

Growing

What are yours?

K❤️

 

Unfinished business

Our time together

Will  always be

Messy

No matter how hard we try to clean it up

There will always be

Something

That we didn't do

Or say

Or try

A moment we wish

Pray 

Or

Hope 

That we could take away

Or do differently 

Or make it last longer

It's these moments

That make us find each other again

To have that last conversation

To see each other one  last time just for a sec

To scour emails or

Ask friends for contact info

It's the reason that we both say 

No more ever

Then fall into a new habit of dysfunction 

Trying to finish it right

Once and for all

The moment we realize that CLOSURE 

Is not for relationships

Or lust 

Or love 

The happier we will be

The ones we love the most will always be 

Unfinished Business 

That's best left unfinished

K <3

 

In my mother's bathroom

I wish I could explain to somebody

What I'm feeling

What I felt

And what I would probably always feel for you

But most importantly

I wish I could properly expound on it to myself

It is literally beyond my comprehension

As I write this I'm sick

Literally sick

I'm trying to settle my mind and stomach 

Praying not think of you

Begging my food to stay down

But as usual 

I can not

I've erased all

Of our correspondences today

But not before reading them all 

One last time

Just to be sure 

I wasn't completely psychotic or confused 

And I not 

There were pages upon pages

Upon pages

Of mutually sent texts

And emails 

Expressing flirtation 

lust

Friendship

And love 

Dated 2010 to just a few days ago

I'm in awe of

Why I let you take me on a three year journey through hell

Trying to sort out 

what was in it for me

Other than you?

Was there a promise of money

Immorality 

Or some existential understanding? 

But none were found in those pages

I'm done

I've said it before

But I can not do this

I usually would write you a scathing email or text to convey my feelings

To which you would either ignore or discredit 

But in this quiet much needed moment of clarity found in the bathroom of my mothers house

With my head pressed against the cold sturdy and somehow comforting porcelain of her toilet where I just emptied out my breakfast

Is where I will let it out. 

I will strangely always love you 

For what you've shown me about me

And as I say you name one last time

I release you 

  

Ode to insomnia

This is our thing

I'm here

Wishing you away

You're as mysterious 

As always

Playing with me

Popping up 

Just when I think we are done

You tempt me

Then vanish

Tonight feels

Different

Somehow

I'm not sure

If I even care anymore

Your appearance 

Will be short

After you leave

Which will be soon

I will be a bit grumpy

But I'll survive

If you pop up again

I will pray

Or read 

Or play

I'm finally over you

So sleep 

No sleep

Tomorrow will be fine

Waiting

Wanting 

Needing

Yearning

For you

What should I do?

I've been 

In this same spot

With my torn heart

Just for you

It's true

I've been waiting 

Tick tock 

Tick tock

The clock 

Keeps on moving

But I can't go

I'm still here 

Waiting 

Some days you breathe me in

Like a sweet perfume

And then you go away

That's not what you're suppose to do

I'm always here

You always there

But here I stay

Waiting 

I'm beautiful

I can fufill your needs 

I am everything

If you could only see

I'm here waiting

Tick tock

Tick tock

The clock 

Keeps moving

You are doing 

Nothing to keep me here

I want to walk away

But my feet 

Won't obey 

I'm still here

Waiting 

Insomnia Incoherencies

So after battling what I assumed to be a migraine (although it could have been a symptom of my hypertension) all day which means I took copious amounts of meds and caffeine I can't sleep. Womp Womp. 

While laying in the bed listening to the sweet sounds of my King's snore (thankfully one of us is asleep) I have made mile long to do list. Decorated our home several times (we so need new furniture.) Made myself hungry by figuring out this weeks meals. Deleted my Facebook page for the third time this years (DJM).  

One great thing ,well maybe two, although both are fattening and expensive that I've decided to do was cook <<<<~~~ which is calming at times. I used to love to cook. And try my hand in DIY projects. 

Wait. Is that the sandman calling me??

Gotta go. 

❤️

Puzzling

I know what's important 

Who is important

What I want

I even know my purpose (I think)

So when a piece of the puzzle

Doesn't fit

Or is lost

Or seems out of place

I try to make it work

I give it "all she's got captain" (I just watched Star Trek)

But if it's not working

Then I move on

One piece will not ruin 

The Entire picture

The puzzle may even change

And I too may evolve

But if that piece 

causes me 

too much grief

I'm done

Not with the puzzle

But with making that piece

Fit in

Thoughts of You

The thought of you

Laying on your bed 

Smiling

Breathless

Horny

Im Slightly drunk

You're Glistening 

We're Sexy

You're Naked

Waiting on me

Pulling me closer with your eyes

Is a dance we dance

Sometimes you lead I follow

Most time I lead you follow

Hesitantly 

We know its wrong

We can't seem to do right 

We stop dancing for a while

Then on lonely

Horny

Drunk

Nights

When the cloak of morality

Is not draped across our shoulders

We pick up right where we left off 

You pop in my mind

At the most awkward times

No matter how hard I pray

Wish

Hope

Cry

Beg

Those images

And my desire

For you will not fade 

My dreams are filled 

With visions of you

Loving me

Kissing me

Fucking me

Talking to me

Never in all my years of life

Have I needed someone like this

It's beyond me

Why 

With all that we've been through

As must as we try not to 

we continually 

Do this dance

You want me

I need you

You say no

I say I probably should not

Yet 1-2 times a month 

Like clockwork

We are fantasizing 

Masturbating 

Plotting

And scheming to be together 

I don't want to do this dance anymore

I want to enjoy 

Whatever this is

For as long as I can

Is it wrong?

Yes

But this connection

Has bound us 

We seem unable to free from it

And sometime I don't want to

But this dance is getting old

And Honesty too

The intruding alarm woke Honesty James out of a wonderful dream. She brushed her chestnut locs out of face and peeked at the 

clock. 5:15 glowed at her in the darkness. "Oh shit" she mumbled. Her new work out plan would have to wait til the next week. 

As she beckoned sleep to come her way she thought about the caramel dream she meet at Cup and Saucer coffee shop two days before.  Troy was the name his smooth voice echoed as they chatted while waiting for their drinks to be made. 

She had never seen a specimen like him before. 6'5 the color of light and sweet coffee, bald headed, a smile to light her way out of the darkness. She literally shivered when their hand touched when they exchanged business cards. 

It had been 5 years since Jeff broke her heart along with her nose, right arm, and 3 ribs. After 2 years of counseling and therapy she moved to Miami shortly after. 

And Troy seemed like just the right way to get her feet wet well not just her feet

That's that shit I don't like

So after having pretty major surgery and being out of work for 5 weeks without benefit of short term disability (because of my company's size) I return to work two weeks ago ready to hit the ground. I was working my ample butt off.

So imagine my surprise yesterday at being fired... Womp Womp

Really?

And the cherry on top, "we were going to let you go in July but didn't want the stress of having no job impede your recovery."

The Fuck??

Words

Things said

Like I love you

I need you

I want you

Be mine

Love me

Are all music to my ears

IF they come out of the mouth I desire

However when words

And actions 

Are polar opposites

I still stay

For a while

Cause I have hope

That you are 

Who you say you are

That you will do

What you say you will do

That your word is your bond

This is a slippery slope

We're on

To slide one way is to deny our instincts

That tug between us

That Everyone feels when they mention one of us around the other

To slide the other is a sin riddled, lie filled, alibi making up, lustful, carnal, foolish, and Joyous ride

To stay grounded where we are is just dumb how much longer can we do this?Months? Years?  Decades? 

I ever the nonconformist have decided just hours ago to take option to jump off this cliff with the only one who has shown in words and deeds they care for me 

Me

And I will love me

Need me 

Want me

Cause my word is Bond

I'm goin goin back back to Nappy Nappy

Maybe

Maybe the things I want

Are just fantasies

Figments of my active imagination

Maybe this love thing is suppose hurt

I'm suppose to cry like this

And feel this way

Maybe

I just don't get what I want

Or what I need for that matter

Maybe the things I desire aren't for me

Maybe I'm just a lesson for him

But maybe just maybe

It's all apart of the plan

Preparing me 

For everything I've ever dreamed of