A.Y.F.K.M

In my current emotional state Jill Scott Make me weep.. Not Cry WEEP.. In public, in private, and all places in between.. Jay-Z Makes me angry cause I use to have things but I know I don't and I use to be ok with not having but now I'm Not Biggie Makes me wanna kick in the door and wave in the 44.. On two people. One gets it cause I love them the other one because I love the first one.. Crazy I know Jaime Foxx Settles me.. A lil party a lil sex No Love.. I take full responsibility for my current predicament.. There is No One else to blame and trust me I have searched for someone else.. I have no clue as to the lesson in this mess. I wish it was more apparent but its not.. As Always I know that I will Land on my feet and I will be ok.. What am I suppose to do NOW is the question that haunts my sleep.. Xo K

I need a Hit

You are addictive
like the first potato chip
or the first crack pipe hit
or that first grand of trap money
You got me leaning
sniffing
and wishing
for another Dose of you


I dream of you
in color
nightly
Ravaging me or I you?
I dont know
I just see skin
hear moans
Feel my hands as they claw
for your heart through your back
and feel the heat of Us

Newly done hair dripping with sweat
Not caring
Eyes filled with tears
My lips ache for the touch of yours
Knees grow weak at the memory of you
Stomach has knots as big as economy sized cars
need to form a support group

I know there are others 

Feeling what I feel for you

Eyes open
I turn my head towards the clock
Its dark still dark
birds have not awaken to sing
Sun has not found its way to its proper place in the sky
but my heart is searching for you

I need a hit
but the dope man is gone
I text him
hoping to get more
of that raw
uncut
pure
good shit
but he said
my currecy
is no longer accepted
My line of credit rejected
declined
unwanted
damn

But I need a hit
quick
I'm fading
replaying
all of the events of us

Tears *STOLEN*

The truth of the matter is......somewhere in the world a woman is shedding tears OVER A MAN. Most women have had their moment. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day a woman is shedding tears over a man. Professional woman, teenage mom, college student and retired teachers alike have all shared the burden of caring so much for one person that without thought that person can bring you to the brink of tears. With a careless word, a callous hand or a thoughtless heart, we can go from STRONG, INDEPENDENT, WELL ROUNDED woman to a WILTED, HEAPING, MESS. Whether you shed your tears at home in the dark or let them flow freely for all to see, you know the heart wrenching pain of being hurt by a man that they loved so hard or even one that they cared for just a little.

AND for those who have not shared their tears, I say....don't worry, Someone has cried enough for you. To those blessed women, it pains me to say...your time is coming Maybe. Your nights filled with tears and days filled with thoughts will come before you know it.

But oh the good news! For every tear-filled night and dreary morning, you will have those days when you experience the Glory of God. You will have those days of waking up KNOWING that God has blessed you with great character, unbreakable spirit and a beautiful heart. If you are fortunate, you will not let the pain stop you from loving. Regardless of the pain, your heart, soul and mind was created to show the glory of God through love. Love hard, cry hard and allow yourself to be loved in return

Gone

I am not use the this
my feelings are usually
reciprocated
My expectations of what this would look like
don't quite match up to reality
As much as I want you
to have a special place in my world
My will is not that strong
You too must desire it

Here I am
my calls unanswered
texts get no reply
lips unkissed
scents of you not smelt
my thirst not quenched

Knowingly I stepped into this
Both eyes open but not seeing the signs
mind racing but clear
feet firmly planted in the foundation of your lies
Heart and other body parts
at your immediate disposal
where did I sign up for
this at?
What part of the invisible fine print
was this in?

I know without a shadow of a doubt
I am not the only one
vying for a position in your air
I don't pretend to know how
all of what I have planned for us is going to pan out
My mind and body have conspired against me
making you the only source of viability

I understand Now
that the S on your chest is there
for Good reason
You have powers that are
Magnetic
body tingling
and
mind consuming
But remember that with great Power
comes great responsibility

Ramblings

So I have done things on my to do list
I am Drinking More water
I even Wrote A lil poem
I have on makeup, a Cute dress and my hair in a decent ponytail
Day 2 is going well

No Excuses???!!!!!!!

A FaceBook Friend is Doing 30 days of making a habit/no excuses and I thought "wow that's neat. I should do that too" Then My next thought was an excuse.. Yikes. Lawd Gawd Please tell me I just didn't do that... Nope I did
Have I become so Lazy that I can find and excuse for Everything I need, want, and Have to do? The answer Is YES! I look a Hot A$$ Mess this morning. Scrubs on, No Makeup, and Hair in a ponytail. I barely look like someone maid let alone someones wife. AND one of my goals/aspirations is to be this super hot wife.. UGH. My excuse for looking this way is I went to sleep at 12am and overslept therefore did not have to time to Curl my hair, Put on a face, and lay out some clothes.. mind you I was in the House Most of the weekend due to Hurricane Irene..
So I have Decided to Give It A Go But to Do It Until January 1,2012.. That's 125 days...
In that Time I will do the following EVERYDAY
Exercise Daily Walk, DVD, Or Something
Drink at least 64 oz of water a day
Have one treat per day
Do My Daily affirmations
actually do things on my to do list
try one new thing per day
Have Prayer time @ 1030pm every night
Read the Books I have before I purchase a new supply
Make Our New House a home
Grow and Prosper in my roles as Wife, Mother, Sister, Friend, and Even *swallows Hard* Daughter.
Look My Absolute Best
Have Mind blowing, Toe Curling, Body Numbing Sex. *in my Kelly Rowland voice I don't wanna feel my LEGS*
Eat Three meal a day
Have a clean, well stocked, and good smelling home
Write those letters to the Credit Bureaus that I have been putting off since the early 2000's
Write Poetry
and a host of other assignments

Wish Me Luck

KDH

S. C. A. R. E. D

I grew up never imagining myself married to a man
Or being in love
But here I am both
Trying to be super wife
Super employee at both jobs
Super freak
Super friend
Super student
Super mom from a distance
Super sister
Super woman
Super fit
Finding myself super scared
There are 24 hours in a day
Dont know if it's poor time management
My excessive procrastination
Or my fear of falling on my face hard
But I am failing horribly
I could blame it all on my pain
I could blame it on my lack of good strong women role models
But I won't
I will accept the fact that I want to wear all the hats
And only have one head
That I will not just magically be
June cleaver
Clair huxtable
Vanessa del rio
Michelle Obama
Jillian micheals
Paula dean
Or B. Smith
Overnight
That I must practice juggling all the balls I have in the air
That time is on my side
That taking a moment to breathe is necessary
Take a moment to connect with my sista friends
That it's okay to be scared
To forgive myself for past mistakes
To listen to that quiet still voice
To plan
To follow said plan
To enjoy the process
To dream big
To pray
To praise
And to know that God
Wants me to be a proverbs 31 woman
And he has equipped me with all the tools I need to do so
I am finding that marriage is a mirror
You get to see all the things you need to fix in you
I see alot a things that need to be fixed
And I am ready to do all the necessary work to get me in order

And I am scared
Successful
Capable
Accepting
Resourceful
Encouraging
Dedicated