Today is Day One

Its hard not to think about "it"
I am trying to be strong
I am strong
but its draining
 to put all of you
 into
something
and get silence in return
No tears yet
at least so
I am proud

K

I refuse to play that role again

OVERSHARE Alert; This entire vacation has been such an eye opening experience. One of my mottos that I live by is that EVERYTHING happens for a reason but when things are revealed its just so extraordinary, painful sometimes, but extraordinary nonetheless.  When I left home I thought I felt something. Something real. Something powerful. Something that would turn my life up side down. But I guess I just had to shit. Moral of this little story. When you feel history repeating itself. Remember you can direct the future you can not alter the past. K<3

I'm HOW OLD??????????????

OMGosh
Where did the time go?
I weigh HOW Much?
What in the hell have I been doing?
Is that a gray hair?
Is my back always going to fill this bad?
I'm married? TO A MAN???? *faints*
My kids are how old?
I still have not finished school yet.
Its time to get it together
I need to make a plan
Yikes

What I Know Now

Loving You goes against everything I thought was right and true in this world Made me realize that I too was just Human Flawed And those Other Silly Girls as I once thought of them We are locked into a sisterhood Of Loving you and Not knowing How to stop Going against our better Judgement putting our Love in your hands and watching with tear filled eyes as you let it fall to the ground But we love you anyway Then I decided to disband the sisterhood or at least my part in it Because If I am to throw away All I have ever known It would be mutual you would love me as much or more than I love you And You Do and you shall and We are Us

For The Bible Tells me so

I just had a major Epiphany One awesome that in this moment I am still trembling I know the reason now that the Bible says we should not commit Adultery Have sex before marriage or Convent thy neighbors wife Its not some Weird attempt by God to keep us pure or holy or righteous its so that we don't have memories or images of what we want or think we want dancing around in our minds like prima ballerinas The mind our imagination and our feelings are a playground for us I don't think we should be left alone with out adult supervision What are eyes see what the ears hear our minds believe It may not be true or rational or moral but in our minds it is so

Borrow

Can I just borrow you I give you back in the morning I need just one night to have you No more No less I really need you want you I breathe you I taste you in my dreams Where things make sense to me If I promise not to tell No body Can you put your body On my body Could we pretend For just tonight That it's just You and I in this world No bills No jobs Gas ain't high as hell No inhibitions Or restrictions No rules No rationality Just you and me Would you like that?

Just Because

I love him whether I want to or not is irrelevant I just do His feelings for me are complicated Confusing and truthfully Not my concern I love him from a place of love not wanting any thing in return Loving him for the joy of it to Love a thing Because it exist is powerful freeing and yes at times heartbreaking Cause in the end We all want somebody to Love us despite ourselves But I Love Him because He IS Love itself is a gift to be given Just Because