That Damn Man

All I ever wanted
was for him to love me
hell to like me
to treat me like he
gave a damn

I gave him
Me

He gave me his ass
to kiss
and not in the
good
way

All these years
and not a good
two way memory

That damn Man
Had me
around wrapped around his finger
Now I'm giving him
one of my own

tell me what to do

TEll me what to do

here I am
Missing us
missing you
missing love
missing Christmas Morning
more than you know

Feeling like
knowing that
we may not be
holding on to
memories

how can I move forward
when all I do is look back
mourning a friendship lost
5 years of ok
crazy sex
and 4 am wake ups

not wanting to break her heart
or destroy yours

Tell me What to do

knowing that in all those
5 years
of foolishness
11pm kick outs
angry fights
crying phone calls
she has proved
to me that she has my back
no matter how strange it looks
on the outside

feeling that in 4 weeks
of christmas mornings
love making
pipe laying
wedding planning
soul searching
when I need you
to do something tangible
you folded
Cant have that
dont need that
when you feel like no one has you back
its time to move your back

so here I am missing you
being with her
loving you both
needing to see where this goes
daydreaming about you

Your life needs to move on
your love needs to be released
my heart wants to receive it
she needs me
i want you
or at least I think I do

tell me what to do

Loving you is as easy as breathing
Being close to you is like Ecstasy
just having you next me but sexually
oh Shyt
my clit
your tongue
like beats and drums
our music can play for hours
cold showers
can not take you off my mind
we intertwine
and make love every time we talk
I walk down the street happy
and
gay
Not caring what people might say
Cause what I'm walking with is something
that most people never get
True Love If I was blind now I can see
I can be
free
and me
My heart is opened wide
My love all for you
Your love
my heart
they mix Like
Hyp and Goose
Like Cran and berry
like peace and love
Like moon and stars
effortlessly
Loving you is too easy
with you I can be sleazy
A whore brought and paid for
Freaky as I want to be
Loving you is too easy
looking super flyin my 750i
Hair laid
clothes fabulous
shoes impeccable
A reputable
upstanding Diva
Loving you is too easy
_____ and Kisha
in the club making it rain on em hoes
toasting
posted up not giving a fuck
knowing that what we have is everlasting
loving you is too easy

Allow me to reintroduce myself

My Name is Hov H to the O V I use to move snowflakes by the O Z Even back then you can call me C E O of The R O C My Bad....You Know I love Jay Z!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. OK my life has had some MAJOR but much needed changes over the Past Year and most definitely the last month.... I have been a little MIA... Not calling, texting, or emailing as I would normally do...With that said I am back.. But then again.. For some of ya'll I was not.. I have had alot of personal issues..

The issues have been work related, personal, family, relationship etc... You name the area I had issues...I mean ISSUES from it.. lol... Wow... So much has changed with me.. But I am back...I have been in some of your lives for years yet there are lots of areas of me that you don't know. For some the new relationship and move was no surprise for others you feel like what happened to my favorite Gay Couple???

The Best way to Start this story is at the beginning of end of life as I knew it.. Or as I like to call My Going Forward... I was lonely, uneducated, frustrated, heart broken, in a relationship that to some of you looked really cute on the surface but for the few of you that I confided in ya'll knew it was a ZOO, using AA batteries like they were going out of style (is that TMI???)...Not going to Church, Not praying, Feeling TRAPPED by my life... Has anyone felt that way?????

Anyway I went to the Flow ( a workshop) www.visionascend.com to renew and develop me.. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! From September 5 -7.. There I worked on ME.. Childhood Crap, Adult Crap, just EVERYTHING.. Meet alot of WONDERFUL people.. One of whom you will definitely meet and love.. My BFF LT

I came home renewed, happy. ready to continue my work on me, new, and improved but I came back home to someone who had also went to the Flow two weeks before me but was not ready to live life happily, abundantly, and authentically. Needless to say _______ and I are no longer together. I wish her well on her journey.

My journey is far from over...I am still looking my dream job, looking for a job that pays the bills, enrolling into school before the month of November is over (yes as a Full time Student), being a better friend, sister, daughter, mother, person, and striving for 110% from myself everyday.. But I am in love with ME again!!! I am getting ME in some type of Gospel order...LOL.. I feel like life is sweeter, better,and brighter now. I have laid my burdens down. I am no longer in a state situational depression.... I have a new outlook on life, on love, and on Me.. Can I get an Amen up in this Camp??????

LIFE

My life
is
wonderful

there are, have been, and will be some bumps in the road but I will be ok

Here it is

Sometimes well alot of times your heart wont do what your head tells it to. Love is such a funny thing. Ironic funny not comedic funny.. Now before ya'll give me the side eye. My Boo and I are good. I'm just analyzing some shit. I felt deeply and strongly and wholely about someone that I knew I shouldn't. A few of my friends are/have gone though something similar. Thee point of this is if your head says stop and your heart is hurting..Listen

It's been a long time - I shouldn't have left you

I Baaaaacccccccckkkkkk! LOL... Been going through a few things on my end.. But here I am Big and Bold as Shit.. stay tuned i have alot to say