So.... How you been??

Long time,
right?

Not!!!!!!!!!

I'm still..........
Here

The last time
you heard from me
I was most likely
Desperate
or
Emotional
or
Nagging
or
Clingy
or
Crying
or
Begging
or
Needy
or
Scary
or
You get the idea....

For that I want to Apologize to you and to me...

I need to say these things to you
And I need to really listen as I say them.

So Here I go

I am
a
Beautiful
Fabulous
Scrumptious
Inviting
Sexy
Tantalizing
Jet Fuel Abusing
Mesmerizing
Sweet
Feminine
Funny
Lovable
Smart
Relax on the bar tab Playa, Tonight's on me
Sophisticated
Bossy
Pole Swinging
Supportive
Outstanding
Anything you buy I'll split the bill
Aggressive
Great Meal Cooking
Soft to To the Touch
Easy on Mind
Heaven on the Eyes
High Maintenance
Stripper Tippin
Ill Na Na Havin
Voluptuous
Stripteasing
Delicious
Game Spittin
Sexy As A Mutha Fucka
Energizing
Educated
Tap me on the shoulder & I'll roll over
Big Whip Whippin
Whatever & Whenever
Type of
Chick

Wanting you
No
That's wrong

Needing you
had
turned me
into
a
Brick Flying
Car Windshield Smashing
Calling Too Damn Much
Crying & Crying
Spying
Lying
Do you want me? Asking
Inbox Filling
Window Peeping thru
Texting Too Damn Much
Tail wagging
finger pointing
Blackberry Blowing up
Sad poem writing
Exorcist needing
Green shit spitting
Pick me begging
Please Love me! Whispering
Want me! screaming
______ Hug Missing
Love song singing
Low down feeling
Submissive
Yes _________! saying
__________ Kiss Fiening
Slow Jam playing
all night waiting
Being an unused Whore
Masturbating
Black Tahoe looking for
cell phone checking
Unpretty feeling
email inspecting
Just Plain Rejected
type of
Bitch!

However I Want/Need to officially Thank You
for that Journey

Summer nights
will never
be the same
Again

Looking out
of my own
windows
puts a devilish
smile on
my face



You have
Taught me things
that I did not know
I wanted to know
& I would have never known
Unless I meet You

I still remember
The first night our
"Friendship"
turned into flirting

I will always remember
the night when
you took my face in
your hands
and kissed me
like
you
owned me
and
knew what would
me Climax
Arch my Back
and Beg for more
Did you feel that.... Damn!

I have to go on a _________________ Detox Program
to try to and
get you
outta my system
No calling
No texting
No thinking about
No Visualizing Naked
No wishing for
No hoping that
No writing about or to
No wanting
all of which was hard to do



But even with
all that said

Your Kiss,
Your _______,
and Your Grip
are priceless

This new __________...............is cool

but---------- ain't You..

You know what they say,
"The easiest way to get over a ________
is to get under another"

I'm Still Saving "it" for you

I figured
If the person I want
couldn't handle it
I figure no one gets it...

I still
Love
You

I'm still
your friend
whatever that means
to you

I am
still yours.........
in a way
will always be
in a strange way

I have just told you
So much about me....

So tell me.......
how you been?

Love Always,

The New and Improved
Same Great Taste
But
Less filling

Eulogy

Have you done your Eulogy yet? I know you are probably thinking, Eulogy? It’s the first of the year and she’s talking about something as negative as a Eulogy? How depressing… Before any of you throw a hissy fit, I’ll explain what I mean. This month is your NEW BEGINNING. Life has so many wonderful possibilities in store for you. The only problem you have now is that you are thinking about your past- the failures, the missed opportunities, and the hurt feelings that have put negative thoughts deep within your subconscious mind. It is time for you to release them. Let them go. You’ve held on to them for too long. It is okay not to feel the way you used to feel or think the way you used to think. Your time is NOW. Make good USE of it.

~Write down everything that has held you back.
~Read It.
~ Let out that last good cry.
~Release….
~Find peace within yourself.

Now, Begin anew and let your light shine brightly. You were meant to do so. Your future is ahead of you. Dream Big, Love Hard, and Be YOUR BEST SELF!

That Damn Man

All I ever wanted
was for him to love me
hell to like me
to treat me like he
gave a damn

I gave him
Me

He gave me his ass
to kiss
and not in the
good
way

All these years
and not a good
two way memory

That damn Man
Had me
around wrapped around his finger
Now I'm giving him
one of my own

tell me what to do

TEll me what to do

here I am
Missing us
missing you
missing love
missing Christmas Morning
more than you know

Feeling like
knowing that
we may not be
holding on to
memories

how can I move forward
when all I do is look back
mourning a friendship lost
5 years of ok
crazy sex
and 4 am wake ups

not wanting to break her heart
or destroy yours

Tell me What to do

knowing that in all those
5 years
of foolishness
11pm kick outs
angry fights
crying phone calls
she has proved
to me that she has my back
no matter how strange it looks
on the outside

feeling that in 4 weeks
of christmas mornings
love making
pipe laying
wedding planning
soul searching
when I need you
to do something tangible
you folded
Cant have that
dont need that
when you feel like no one has you back
its time to move your back

so here I am missing you
being with her
loving you both
needing to see where this goes
daydreaming about you

Your life needs to move on
your love needs to be released
my heart wants to receive it
she needs me
i want you
or at least I think I do

tell me what to do

Loving you is as easy as breathing
Being close to you is like Ecstasy
just having you next me but sexually
oh Shyt
my clit
your tongue
like beats and drums
our music can play for hours
cold showers
can not take you off my mind
we intertwine
and make love every time we talk
I walk down the street happy
and
gay
Not caring what people might say
Cause what I'm walking with is something
that most people never get
True Love If I was blind now I can see
I can be
free
and me
My heart is opened wide
My love all for you
Your love
my heart
they mix Like
Hyp and Goose
Like Cran and berry
like peace and love
Like moon and stars
effortlessly
Loving you is too easy
with you I can be sleazy
A whore brought and paid for
Freaky as I want to be
Loving you is too easy
looking super flyin my 750i
Hair laid
clothes fabulous
shoes impeccable
A reputable
upstanding Diva
Loving you is too easy
_____ and Kisha
in the club making it rain on em hoes
toasting
posted up not giving a fuck
knowing that what we have is everlasting
loving you is too easy

Allow me to reintroduce myself

My Name is Hov H to the O V I use to move snowflakes by the O Z Even back then you can call me C E O of The R O C My Bad....You Know I love Jay Z!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

. OK my life has had some MAJOR but much needed changes over the Past Year and most definitely the last month.... I have been a little MIA... Not calling, texting, or emailing as I would normally do...With that said I am back.. But then again.. For some of ya'll I was not.. I have had alot of personal issues..

The issues have been work related, personal, family, relationship etc... You name the area I had issues...I mean ISSUES from it.. lol... Wow... So much has changed with me.. But I am back...I have been in some of your lives for years yet there are lots of areas of me that you don't know. For some the new relationship and move was no surprise for others you feel like what happened to my favorite Gay Couple???

The Best way to Start this story is at the beginning of end of life as I knew it.. Or as I like to call My Going Forward... I was lonely, uneducated, frustrated, heart broken, in a relationship that to some of you looked really cute on the surface but for the few of you that I confided in ya'll knew it was a ZOO, using AA batteries like they were going out of style (is that TMI???)...Not going to Church, Not praying, Feeling TRAPPED by my life... Has anyone felt that way?????

Anyway I went to the Flow ( a workshop) www.visionascend.com to renew and develop me.. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! From September 5 -7.. There I worked on ME.. Childhood Crap, Adult Crap, just EVERYTHING.. Meet alot of WONDERFUL people.. One of whom you will definitely meet and love.. My BFF LT

I came home renewed, happy. ready to continue my work on me, new, and improved but I came back home to someone who had also went to the Flow two weeks before me but was not ready to live life happily, abundantly, and authentically. Needless to say _______ and I are no longer together. I wish her well on her journey.

My journey is far from over...I am still looking my dream job, looking for a job that pays the bills, enrolling into school before the month of November is over (yes as a Full time Student), being a better friend, sister, daughter, mother, person, and striving for 110% from myself everyday.. But I am in love with ME again!!! I am getting ME in some type of Gospel order...LOL.. I feel like life is sweeter, better,and brighter now. I have laid my burdens down. I am no longer in a state situational depression.... I have a new outlook on life, on love, and on Me.. Can I get an Amen up in this Camp??????

LIFE

My life
is
wonderful

there are, have been, and will be some bumps in the road but I will be ok