Because imagination is a terrible thing to waste..lol.. I wish some of us (me included) would lose it... Imagination gets us in more trouble than our actions (well sometimes anyway.) I am a girly girl..My mind plays tricks on me. I imagine great things. No one imagine that the new person they met is an asshole.
No one imagine that a new love is going to break their heart, be an idiot, or black their eye. We (or I if you don't want to admit it) think that if I just do this, they will do that or as one of my favorite actor's Angela Bassett says in "Waiting to Exhale" "I thought if I gave him what he needed, he would give me what I needed" ......
What I need to remember (and I am using I because you don't know what I'm talking about...Wink) Is as my Girl D says while she talks about the new Boo in her life "I'm the shit Nygga not you!" lol
I know that now....Wish I knew that then
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I am Tired of BS!!!
So I went to a Links luncheon yesterday... It was awesome Susan Taylor was the speaker. She spoke to me..Or at least thats what I thought..That I am tired of BS.. Of accepting less than the best from me or any one else.. I have been on a weight loss plan since 3/24/08 and have lost & gained the same 5lbs twice... I exercise every blue moon. I have a full gym in my home. I have almost every excercise DVD known to man. And I am still FAT (I am PHAT too but thats another story lol)
So I am in my bag, Period
I just got a tingle up my spine!
So I am in my bag, Period
I just got a tingle up my spine!
This Ish Sucks
Ok so here is how it ends with the infamous D. I told my Girl (hey Shi) about D... Everything how I loved D, how I craved D. Everything. My Girl told me follow your heart, trust your gut, and do you.. My heart wanted D, My gut said f*CK D, and well doing me meant don't settle for BS. So, as I was driving my girl home, I talked to D on the cell...setting up an episode. After droppin her off. I realized that everything D said was going happen that nite I wasn't looking forward to ANY of it. I lied and said I hit traffic so we would hook up some other time. When I woke up the next morning I asked myself why are you lying??? so I sent a long, rambling text saying its over. I need what you cant give. Blah blah blah.D texted back that "I knew you were lying Last nite" and a well I guess its over... Seeing that I was so hurt... I started to cry. I texted D what I was feelin (hurt) and what i was doin (cryin) this SOB replied thanks for sharing. No it's ok Baby. or sorry we didnt work out... Or anything...Just thanks for sharing...
Damn 2 years. Gone. wantin, needin, prayin for ish to work out... I loved D.... F that I love D. and all I got was thanks for sharin..
This ISh Sucks
But it made me realize that when you feel like no one or a certain someone does not have you back...You have got to move your back. Was i hurt? did I grieve? did I miss D? yes!!! yes!!! YES!!!
Do I deserve better?? FUCK YES!!
Damn 2 years. Gone. wantin, needin, prayin for ish to work out... I loved D.... F that I love D. and all I got was thanks for sharin..
This ISh Sucks
But it made me realize that when you feel like no one or a certain someone does not have you back...You have got to move your back. Was i hurt? did I grieve? did I miss D? yes!!! yes!!! YES!!!
Do I deserve better?? FUCK YES!!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Missing You
Missing you
Open mike nite is tonight..
as sit here at work
shifting thru them
As I pick which one to say
figuring out should it be a lovey dovey one about wifey
or
a lusting, wishing, sexy one about you
I realized something......
I miss you....
so....thought i would let you know
that I was missing you
and what I missed
I miss hearing that deep voice
on my phone
in my ear
talking shit
missed seeing
those eyes
there is something
very sexy and mysterious about those eyes
makes one want to find out what is hidden
within them
Your laughter
is infectious
haven't been infected in a while
I miss hearing your stories
you life crisis's
your abundance of women issues
your fears on becoming a better parent
I miss
my 12 am texts
that I would wait for
happily
excited by the vision and sounds waiting for me
in my kitchen
I miss "accidentally" running into you
at the club
going to the bat cave
(every time I watch 300, which is often because it is one of my top 10.... I love that story!,)
I miss you
I miss your Kisses, although I only had a couple
I miss things that I never experienced
like laying on your chest
playing in your hair
looking up or down or behind at you
at the moment of orgasm
the taste of your... love as it cums
kissing you in the rain
mounting you like the stallion you are
just missing you
and thought you should know
Open mike nite is tonight..
as sit here at work
shifting thru them
As I pick which one to say
figuring out should it be a lovey dovey one about wifey
or
a lusting, wishing, sexy one about you
I realized something......
I miss you....
so....thought i would let you know
that I was missing you
and what I missed
I miss hearing that deep voice
on my phone
in my ear
talking shit
missed seeing
those eyes
there is something
very sexy and mysterious about those eyes
makes one want to find out what is hidden
within them
Your laughter
is infectious
haven't been infected in a while
I miss hearing your stories
you life crisis's
your abundance of women issues
your fears on becoming a better parent
I miss
my 12 am texts
that I would wait for
happily
excited by the vision and sounds waiting for me
in my kitchen
I miss "accidentally" running into you
at the club
going to the bat cave
(every time I watch 300, which is often because it is one of my top 10.... I love that story!,)
I miss you
I miss your Kisses, although I only had a couple
I miss things that I never experienced
like laying on your chest
playing in your hair
looking up or down or behind at you
at the moment of orgasm
the taste of your... love as it cums
kissing you in the rain
mounting you like the stallion you are
just missing you
and thought you should know
Black and White
One of the first things that grab the eye of a visitor to our home is a 5x7 Black and White photo in a crimson frame. The two women in the picture have an “I have just won the lottery” kind of smile. It is one of my favorite photos, mainly because of what the eye cannot see or hear,
The snapshot clearly suggests the two are acquainted as hinted by their intimate proximity, similar fashion, hairstyle and their toothpaste advertisement smiles. They are posed in front of what appears to be a stone building with a Spanish design. Chains of daisy cups hang from the structure’s roof and act as rain spouts – offering a reference to Latin derived ornaments in the architecture. Tropical foliage peeks into the picture from the right. The photograph is your basic black and white, outdoor shot; clean and sharpness, marking the photographer’s expertise in working with sun and light.
Oh but what beautiful colors and sounds the photographer left for me to gladly describe to each questioning visitor. I share with each of my friends the roar of the Caribbean Sea just a few hundred feet to our left; the pleasant chatter of area vendors as they haggle with swarms of trinket hungry tourists and the softly accented pronunciation of English by our Dominican host as they laugh and speak with the guests. The picture fails to mention the sweet breeze blowing across the scarcely wrapped bodies adorning the beach sand or the soothing melody of steel drums always present in the air.
Furthermore, the picture provides no clue to the time and struggle exerted to gain S’s cooperation in taking the picture. S hates taking pictures; however she reluctantly agreed. To both of our surprise, we had committed to a photo shoot with Otorro’ – the Island’s flaming photographer who perched, pulled, and positioned us in the weirdest poses for 2 hours non-stop. He made the dreadful event absolutely unforgettable.
Out of approximate 5 rolls of film: dune climbing, water splashing, hammock gliding, carriage riding, tree hanging and sand squatting, I love a simple black and white 5X7 that reminds me of all of the colors and sounds of the Punta Cana Resort in the Dominican Republic. My Boo and I, with our big smiles and with the heat of summer love all around us. The sounds and colors of the picture are so breath taking that we are going back again, this year….
The snapshot clearly suggests the two are acquainted as hinted by their intimate proximity, similar fashion, hairstyle and their toothpaste advertisement smiles. They are posed in front of what appears to be a stone building with a Spanish design. Chains of daisy cups hang from the structure’s roof and act as rain spouts – offering a reference to Latin derived ornaments in the architecture. Tropical foliage peeks into the picture from the right. The photograph is your basic black and white, outdoor shot; clean and sharpness, marking the photographer’s expertise in working with sun and light.
Oh but what beautiful colors and sounds the photographer left for me to gladly describe to each questioning visitor. I share with each of my friends the roar of the Caribbean Sea just a few hundred feet to our left; the pleasant chatter of area vendors as they haggle with swarms of trinket hungry tourists and the softly accented pronunciation of English by our Dominican host as they laugh and speak with the guests. The picture fails to mention the sweet breeze blowing across the scarcely wrapped bodies adorning the beach sand or the soothing melody of steel drums always present in the air.
Furthermore, the picture provides no clue to the time and struggle exerted to gain S’s cooperation in taking the picture. S hates taking pictures; however she reluctantly agreed. To both of our surprise, we had committed to a photo shoot with Otorro’ – the Island’s flaming photographer who perched, pulled, and positioned us in the weirdest poses for 2 hours non-stop. He made the dreadful event absolutely unforgettable.
Out of approximate 5 rolls of film: dune climbing, water splashing, hammock gliding, carriage riding, tree hanging and sand squatting, I love a simple black and white 5X7 that reminds me of all of the colors and sounds of the Punta Cana Resort in the Dominican Republic. My Boo and I, with our big smiles and with the heat of summer love all around us. The sounds and colors of the picture are so breath taking that we are going back again, this year….
Step up or fall back
That is what I'm feeling today about everything!
Step up or fall back
I feel like if this is my game to play
then everyday
from today until the headstone
I will give 1010%
Lose or win
Tired of looking back feeling like
I shouldve said this
or
I shouldve done that
Step up or fall back
I am not a fall back type of Bitch
When Ish gets thick
I thrive
that ish makes feel
like I'm alive
To know I wont back down or lay down
My Mother said to me
Get down or lay down and if you lay down then
stay down...
My mothers' motherly advice
sucks right?
Wrong!
Time to Step up or Fall back
What I lack
is back bone against
A$$holes
believe it or not
A$$holes with pretty smiles
convincing tongues
and sexy Swaggers
But if I am
to Live each day like its my last
then from this point forward
All A$$holes
can kiss my A$$
Step up or fall Back
This Junk in my trunk
ain't made for Chumps
Whats behind my eyes,
in between my thighs,
and whats under those things
that makes me look
so cute in V neck shirts
Are priceless
Not to be given to the weak.
Time to Step up or fall back
I feel like my back is against a wall now
My enemies should be nervous
Hope innocent people don't get caught up
in the crossfire
if they do then maybe
they deserve it
Step up or fall back!
My New Birthday Is May 5.... Mark your Calenders!
Step up or fall back
I feel like if this is my game to play
then everyday
from today until the headstone
I will give 1010%
Lose or win
Tired of looking back feeling like
I shouldve said this
or
I shouldve done that
Step up or fall back
I am not a fall back type of Bitch
When Ish gets thick
I thrive
that ish makes feel
like I'm alive
To know I wont back down or lay down
My Mother said to me
Get down or lay down and if you lay down then
stay down...
My mothers' motherly advice
sucks right?
Wrong!
Time to Step up or Fall back
What I lack
is back bone against
A$$holes
believe it or not
A$$holes with pretty smiles
convincing tongues
and sexy Swaggers
But if I am
to Live each day like its my last
then from this point forward
All A$$holes
can kiss my A$$
Step up or fall Back
This Junk in my trunk
ain't made for Chumps
Whats behind my eyes,
in between my thighs,
and whats under those things
that makes me look
so cute in V neck shirts
Are priceless
Not to be given to the weak.
Time to Step up or fall back
I feel like my back is against a wall now
My enemies should be nervous
Hope innocent people don't get caught up
in the crossfire
if they do then maybe
they deserve it
Step up or fall back!
My New Birthday Is May 5.... Mark your Calenders!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Life Repeats itself
OK Life repeats itself.... If the lesson is not learned or in some cases even if it is..... Life repeats itself!
As we know (via this mornings' email) I am trying to help a friend... overcome some ish... While speaking with my Homegirl ( Hey!!!) she astutely reminded me that I too did not, could not, would not listen to her reasoning and opinions.. When i was going thru a similar situation over a decade ago.....
After we hung up... The Secret Garden came on the radio..... Are you serious????? That song make my private playground moist!!! Then my phone rings ( now if you really know me, you know I had no earthly business answering that phone, after seeing who was calling) but I did.. And after 1minute and 29seconds of chit chat.. ( and yes I timed it) Life repeats itself...
Over a decade I was really into someone.... J was the ish... the ish!!! But J had Hoes in different area codes.. But I was ( and still am) soooooooooo Fabulous and mesmerizing... I was going to put and end ro all of that!!!! I wanted, waited, and dehumanized myself... Accepting treatment I would never accept and would laugh at you for accepting... Long story short... I left J alone...took my power back.. Love me more than J ( for once) then all of a sudden, who has time for me, treats me with care, kindness, love, passion????? You guessed it J... But by that time I had no Love or any other emotion for them...
Fast forward a decade... I am Happily married... Content, loved, and adored... I met D... Damn.... D is.... There is no word in the english or ebonic dictionary to describe D..D makes me feel things.. I know I shouldn't be feeling... makes me want things I know I shouldn't want.. D treats me like ish... ... but I still wanted D so much... to do what was the question... LoL...
J was like a drug... So is D... J made me feel so many thins... So does D... J took me in thier arms and kissed me... So did D... The difference is J was and D is... It is so hard to detox....
I know, I know...Love yourself first... But my body and mind play tricks on me...... I want D in my life so bad.. I want to dance in a club with D... I wanna go to the movies with D... I want to laugh, talk, cuddle with D.... I want to wake up with D.... Now here is the B S... Not all the time just sometimes... I don't want to be D's woman... just a best friend with benefits....Lol
What I really want is to be free of D just as I wanted to be free of J... but everytime i try to leave... they both knew to act right.....
Kisses
As we know (via this mornings' email) I am trying to help a friend... overcome some ish... While speaking with my Homegirl ( Hey!!!) she astutely reminded me that I too did not, could not, would not listen to her reasoning and opinions.. When i was going thru a similar situation over a decade ago.....
After we hung up... The Secret Garden came on the radio..... Are you serious????? That song make my private playground moist!!! Then my phone rings ( now if you really know me, you know I had no earthly business answering that phone, after seeing who was calling) but I did.. And after 1minute and 29seconds of chit chat.. ( and yes I timed it) Life repeats itself...
Over a decade I was really into someone.... J was the ish... the ish!!! But J had Hoes in different area codes.. But I was ( and still am) soooooooooo Fabulous and mesmerizing... I was going to put and end ro all of that!!!! I wanted, waited, and dehumanized myself... Accepting treatment I would never accept and would laugh at you for accepting... Long story short... I left J alone...took my power back.. Love me more than J ( for once) then all of a sudden, who has time for me, treats me with care, kindness, love, passion????? You guessed it J... But by that time I had no Love or any other emotion for them...
Fast forward a decade... I am Happily married... Content, loved, and adored... I met D... Damn.... D is.... There is no word in the english or ebonic dictionary to describe D..D makes me feel things.. I know I shouldn't be feeling... makes me want things I know I shouldn't want.. D treats me like ish... ... but I still wanted D so much... to do what was the question... LoL...
J was like a drug... So is D... J made me feel so many thins... So does D... J took me in thier arms and kissed me... So did D... The difference is J was and D is... It is so hard to detox....
I know, I know...Love yourself first... But my body and mind play tricks on me...... I want D in my life so bad.. I want to dance in a club with D... I wanna go to the movies with D... I want to laugh, talk, cuddle with D.... I want to wake up with D.... Now here is the B S... Not all the time just sometimes... I don't want to be D's woman... just a best friend with benefits....Lol
What I really want is to be free of D just as I wanted to be free of J... but everytime i try to leave... they both knew to act right.....
Kisses
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