Saturday, June 21, 2008
Here it is
Sometimes well alot of times your heart wont do what your head tells it to. Love is such a funny thing. Ironic funny not comedic funny.. Now before ya'll give me the side eye. My Boo and I are good. I'm just analyzing some shit. I felt deeply and strongly and wholely about someone that I knew I shouldn't. A few of my friends are/have gone though something similar. Thee point of this is if your head says stop and your heart is hurting..Listen
Sunday, June 8, 2008
It's been a long time - I shouldn't have left you
I Baaaaacccccccckkkkkk! LOL... Been going through a few things on my end.. But here I am Big and Bold as Shit.. stay tuned i have alot to say
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Who love's you????
Do they wanna do right by you?
Do they care about what keeps you up at night?
Can they embrace your freaky side?
Do they know how you like it rough sometimes?
Do they reach for you at night?
Can they be this sexy at this size?
Do they pray for your peace and happiness?
Can they keep you warm at night?
Do they know where you spot is?
Can they Be a role model to you?
will they make they own do or sit around the house?
Can they let you shine?
Will they come to your office and hit you off?
Can they hold you down when shit gets thick?
Can they be a mother?
Are they your whores?
Will they do whatever, whenever, and however like me?
Will they be submissive when you are cocky?
Are the aggressive when you are weak?
Can they kick ass like me?
Will they cook dinner every night with something sexy on?
Will they unbuckle their seatbealts and .... well you know?
Will they fold under pressure?
Will they say yes to a threesome, foursome, or whatever you have in mind for the night?
Will they roll over after you come in from a long night of partying?
will they do a striptease for you?
Will they keep the house running smooth so you can handle the real world?
Can they pay for trips and sprees like me?
Do they care about what keeps you up at night?
Can they embrace your freaky side?
Do they know how you like it rough sometimes?
Do they reach for you at night?
Can they be this sexy at this size?
Do they pray for your peace and happiness?
Can they keep you warm at night?
Do they know where you spot is?
Can they Be a role model to you?
will they make they own do or sit around the house?
Can they let you shine?
Will they come to your office and hit you off?
Can they hold you down when shit gets thick?
Can they be a mother?
Are they your whores?
Will they do whatever, whenever, and however like me?
Will they be submissive when you are cocky?
Are the aggressive when you are weak?
Can they kick ass like me?
Will they cook dinner every night with something sexy on?
Will they unbuckle their seatbealts and .... well you know?
Will they fold under pressure?
Will they say yes to a threesome, foursome, or whatever you have in mind for the night?
Will they roll over after you come in from a long night of partying?
will they do a striptease for you?
Will they keep the house running smooth so you can handle the real world?
Can they pay for trips and sprees like me?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Questions
I wrote this years ago, ran across it recently.. Still love it!
is it love when I reach out to you and end up fallin?
Do you even know whatyou do to me?
is it love when you cum and I don't?
Do you want me?
You see I can't end this, Why don't you?
Do you like me?
Why don't you love me?
What do you call it when I am honest and you lie?
How do you send me to voice mail?
What do I mean to you?
Where is your compassion?
What does "friend" mean to you?
Do you love me?
Why do you act this way?
How do you live, love,and laugh without me?
Do you care about me?
Do you think about me?
Why do you string me along?
If you want me outta your life why don't you just tell me?
Do you ever feel bad for treating me like this?
Why is it that everytime I asked you "do you want me?" you say "yes" but your actions say no?
Do I love me?
is it love when I reach out to you and end up fallin?
Do you even know whatyou do to me?
is it love when you cum and I don't?
Do you want me?
You see I can't end this, Why don't you?
Do you like me?
Why don't you love me?
What do you call it when I am honest and you lie?
How do you send me to voice mail?
What do I mean to you?
Where is your compassion?
What does "friend" mean to you?
Do you love me?
Why do you act this way?
How do you live, love,and laugh without me?
Do you care about me?
Do you think about me?
Why do you string me along?
If you want me outta your life why don't you just tell me?
Do you ever feel bad for treating me like this?
Why is it that everytime I asked you "do you want me?" you say "yes" but your actions say no?
Do I love me?
Friday, May 16, 2008
An Open Letter to the Past
Hey You.
It seems like it was only yesterday That I craved you. Its on rainy days like this that I remember you the most. I have no Idea why rainy days... Wait thats a lie. Do you remember that first day our friendship took that first ... wrong turn.. We were on the phone talkin about nothing and it was hot as hell that day... It started to rain and I said I was heading outside,, you just knew a girly girl like me was not heading outside to enjoy the rain, not going to mess up my hair or clothes... I proved you wrong.. The last time I saw you it was raining.. When I cried for the friendship we lost I felt like its raining.. even when it was not...
I had never in my life felt like that.. That feeling where you can't eat or sleep or do anything else but think of that one person. That was you. I was addicted to you. I wanted so much for us to be..Be what I don't know... I was hurt by you at almost every interaction we had.. At times I was ignored. At others left sexually frustrated. Most times I was just hurt at laying myself out there for you to...... Love me and getting nothing in return.. Sad Huh?
I use to ask myself why you didnt love me?...Why you didnt crave me?.. How you could just live your life fine and happy without me?.. why the first one I loved didnt give a fuck bout me?... Should I be harder? Softer? Girly? Manly? Should I lose weight? Gain Weight? Be Freakier? Is that even Possible??? Whats wrong with me that my one and only didnt want me???? Can you believe that SHIT?????? then i realized....the very thing my girl Shi would always say... People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime... So I Started to ask myself the question which one you were..
Your reason was to simply let me know that I had to give a fuck about myself first and foremost... Although I missed everything about you on rainy days..I know that I give a fuck about me... And you were not what I'd hope you'd be.
But I would not take back a moment of our time together... If it wasn't for you I wouldn't know what I wanted, needed, deserved, or required... I don't do bullshit because of you.. I know I am sexy at 225 or 125.. That I am THE SHIT!!!! ALL DAY EVERYDAY... If it was not for you I would not love my Boo so much. I had to be treated like a Pauper to realize that NOW I am treated like a Queen.. Anything I want or need is handed to me on a silver platter by this woman... She knows when I am sick, depressed, or confused by hearing my voice or seeing my face.... She knows how to do that thing, whatever it is,,,,That makes me SCREAM in PURE EXTASY!! But I owe my happiness to you... On rainy days I am so so so so so happy... Tears of joy fill my eyes... I thank God for my Boo... And for you
Hope you are well.... I know I am!
Kisses
It seems like it was only yesterday That I craved you. Its on rainy days like this that I remember you the most. I have no Idea why rainy days... Wait thats a lie. Do you remember that first day our friendship took that first ... wrong turn.. We were on the phone talkin about nothing and it was hot as hell that day... It started to rain and I said I was heading outside,, you just knew a girly girl like me was not heading outside to enjoy the rain, not going to mess up my hair or clothes... I proved you wrong.. The last time I saw you it was raining.. When I cried for the friendship we lost I felt like its raining.. even when it was not...
I had never in my life felt like that.. That feeling where you can't eat or sleep or do anything else but think of that one person. That was you. I was addicted to you. I wanted so much for us to be..Be what I don't know... I was hurt by you at almost every interaction we had.. At times I was ignored. At others left sexually frustrated. Most times I was just hurt at laying myself out there for you to...... Love me and getting nothing in return.. Sad Huh?
I use to ask myself why you didnt love me?...Why you didnt crave me?.. How you could just live your life fine and happy without me?.. why the first one I loved didnt give a fuck bout me?... Should I be harder? Softer? Girly? Manly? Should I lose weight? Gain Weight? Be Freakier? Is that even Possible??? Whats wrong with me that my one and only didnt want me???? Can you believe that SHIT?????? then i realized....the very thing my girl Shi would always say... People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime... So I Started to ask myself the question which one you were..
Your reason was to simply let me know that I had to give a fuck about myself first and foremost... Although I missed everything about you on rainy days..I know that I give a fuck about me... And you were not what I'd hope you'd be.
But I would not take back a moment of our time together... If it wasn't for you I wouldn't know what I wanted, needed, deserved, or required... I don't do bullshit because of you.. I know I am sexy at 225 or 125.. That I am THE SHIT!!!! ALL DAY EVERYDAY... If it was not for you I would not love my Boo so much. I had to be treated like a Pauper to realize that NOW I am treated like a Queen.. Anything I want or need is handed to me on a silver platter by this woman... She knows when I am sick, depressed, or confused by hearing my voice or seeing my face.... She knows how to do that thing, whatever it is,,,,That makes me SCREAM in PURE EXTASY!! But I owe my happiness to you... On rainy days I am so so so so so happy... Tears of joy fill my eyes... I thank God for my Boo... And for you
Hope you are well.... I know I am!
Kisses
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Love Drug
Raheem DaVaughn's latest song, one of my favorite songs and artist of the moment, is Love Drug... I feel that song... In and Out... I LOVE that song... I am someones Drug and they are mine....However, They was a time that I was addicted to someone who was not addicted to me.. Anyway a list has been compiled (Thanks to My Homegirl Over at SavedinTheCity) that compares drug use and sex.
NUMBER 1
DRUGS: Sudden changes in interest
SEX: Lose interest in any thing that is not related to getting some
NOW, if you have EVER gotten it the RIGHT way, you will find that your most pressing issues of the day is not family, work, politics or the weather….it is I need HIM/HER right now and you will spending every waking moment trying to figure when will be the next time you can get that high/release AGAIN. Psychiatrists say that the addiction itself is the underlying cause of behavioral changes, where patients lose interest in everything that they do, especially those that matters most. So its not your partners sexual prowess that has your mind blown its your addiction to that high, not how you get there, just getting there.
NUMBER 2
DRUGS: Compulsive acts of borrowing money or any actions related to money
SEX: Compulsive acts of THROWING your money away by wining, dining and loaning money to your boo.
It might be a stretch to compare the two, but at the end of the day whether its sex or drugs you end up broke, LOL. Now we all know the idiots that we see on Divorce Court and other shows that have “loaned” their unemployed, broke down boo money for a car, down payment, etc. As we laugh at these idiots, think about all the countless times that you yourself have done the same thing is some shape or form. Maybe not a loan but you have taken that person to dinner, etc. One day, it may have been so good that you got him a short set (thanks Beyonce). You would be hard pressed to find anyone to do such idiotic things in a sexless relationship.
NUMBER 3
DRUGS: Secretive acts
SEX: Secretive acts
If you frequent secretive places such as crack houses, you would most likely be a drug addict. Now, for the sexually addicted this goes several ways. Have you ever spied on that guy/or girl, went through their phone, hacked their voicemail (I’m telling too much). Well, if your answer is yes, why all the secrecy. Now the ultimate secretive acts are the FREAKY, indescribable things that you will do to get to the next level of highness. SOME of you have done things that only you and that person know about. Just like a crack head will do any matter of things to get his next hit, you will do all manner of porn star level things to get your release.
NUMBER 4
DRUGS: Withdrawal symptoms
SEX: Withdrawal symptoms
Drug addicts manifest withdrawal symptoms. Drug addicts usually demonstrate feeling of restlessness, nausea, tremors, anxiety, insomnia, sweating, and difficulty to concentrate. All this applies when you try to let go of someone who treats you like spit on the sidewalk. Drugs make you high while damaging your heart, kidney, etc. Sex makes you feel good while sometimes damaging your heart, mind, self esteem, etc. When you try to let him or her go you are anxious that maybe you can’t do any better, restless at night, sweating when you think of him/her, feeling tremors at the thought of what you used to feel, unable to concentrate at work and nauseated by the freak nasty things that you used to do.
NUMBER 5
DRUGS: Over usage
SEX: Over usage
You are a drug addict if you tend to use a particular drug longer than prescribed by the doctor or if you use it even for no apparent reason at all. When a relationship is otherwise useless and you continue to engage in it, you are overusing your prescription.
NUMBER 6
DRUGS: Inability to stop
SEX: Inability to stop
You are already hooked up when you can no longer stop using the drugs. Your body's mechanism is already dependent on it; hence, stopping will cause more problems that you are unable to handle. So, you call it a second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth chance and drug addicts call it a relapse, it’s all the same.
NUMBER 1
DRUGS: Sudden changes in interest
SEX: Lose interest in any thing that is not related to getting some
NOW, if you have EVER gotten it the RIGHT way, you will find that your most pressing issues of the day is not family, work, politics or the weather….it is I need HIM/HER right now and you will spending every waking moment trying to figure when will be the next time you can get that high/release AGAIN. Psychiatrists say that the addiction itself is the underlying cause of behavioral changes, where patients lose interest in everything that they do, especially those that matters most. So its not your partners sexual prowess that has your mind blown its your addiction to that high, not how you get there, just getting there.
NUMBER 2
DRUGS: Compulsive acts of borrowing money or any actions related to money
SEX: Compulsive acts of THROWING your money away by wining, dining and loaning money to your boo.
It might be a stretch to compare the two, but at the end of the day whether its sex or drugs you end up broke, LOL. Now we all know the idiots that we see on Divorce Court and other shows that have “loaned” their unemployed, broke down boo money for a car, down payment, etc. As we laugh at these idiots, think about all the countless times that you yourself have done the same thing is some shape or form. Maybe not a loan but you have taken that person to dinner, etc. One day, it may have been so good that you got him a short set (thanks Beyonce). You would be hard pressed to find anyone to do such idiotic things in a sexless relationship.
NUMBER 3
DRUGS: Secretive acts
SEX: Secretive acts
If you frequent secretive places such as crack houses, you would most likely be a drug addict. Now, for the sexually addicted this goes several ways. Have you ever spied on that guy/or girl, went through their phone, hacked their voicemail (I’m telling too much). Well, if your answer is yes, why all the secrecy. Now the ultimate secretive acts are the FREAKY, indescribable things that you will do to get to the next level of highness. SOME of you have done things that only you and that person know about. Just like a crack head will do any matter of things to get his next hit, you will do all manner of porn star level things to get your release.
NUMBER 4
DRUGS: Withdrawal symptoms
SEX: Withdrawal symptoms
Drug addicts manifest withdrawal symptoms. Drug addicts usually demonstrate feeling of restlessness, nausea, tremors, anxiety, insomnia, sweating, and difficulty to concentrate. All this applies when you try to let go of someone who treats you like spit on the sidewalk. Drugs make you high while damaging your heart, kidney, etc. Sex makes you feel good while sometimes damaging your heart, mind, self esteem, etc. When you try to let him or her go you are anxious that maybe you can’t do any better, restless at night, sweating when you think of him/her, feeling tremors at the thought of what you used to feel, unable to concentrate at work and nauseated by the freak nasty things that you used to do.
NUMBER 5
DRUGS: Over usage
SEX: Over usage
You are a drug addict if you tend to use a particular drug longer than prescribed by the doctor or if you use it even for no apparent reason at all. When a relationship is otherwise useless and you continue to engage in it, you are overusing your prescription.
NUMBER 6
DRUGS: Inability to stop
SEX: Inability to stop
You are already hooked up when you can no longer stop using the drugs. Your body's mechanism is already dependent on it; hence, stopping will cause more problems that you are unable to handle. So, you call it a second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth chance and drug addicts call it a relapse, it’s all the same.
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